


Sunflowers in Autumn

by pastandfuturequeen



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Coming of Age, High School AU, M/M, Slow Burn, a walk to remember au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 01:37:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 25,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16187390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastandfuturequeen/pseuds/pastandfuturequeen
Summary: Finn is the sweet and smart theatre kid who sings for his father’s church. Poe is the smart but scrappy troublemaker who likes to drag race on the weekends. After defending another kid from a school bully, Poe’s only alternative to expulsion is to tutor after school. That’s where he meets Finn.Or, alternatively - FinnPoe A Walk to Remember AU





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is loosely based on _A Walk to Remember_ by Nicholas Sparks. It’s not a carbon copy but if you’re familiar with the book or movie you’ll see the parallels.
> 
> This fic is broken up into two parts because, kind of like the movie and also like most plays, the plot starts ridiculously fluffy but gets very angst heavy in Part 2. _If you do not want angst then you can just read Part 1 alone._ You can’t really read Part 2 alone if you’re just looking for angst but I mean I guess you could try?? 
> 
> I couldn’t do this without the help of my lovely beta and favorite crackhead, Luna (@lunaaltare on tumblr). Thanks love! <3
> 
> -
> 
> [[Also Posted on Tumblr]](pastandfuturequeen.tumblr.com)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the beginning of this part there is racist anti-Mexican bullying and the slurs “wetback” and “beaner” used. I write this as a Mexican-American who has personally been called these names, so I get to use them and reclaim them. Y’all do not. _So for my fellow Latinos, if y’all do not feel comfortable reading that, please skip to the bolded sentence that starts with “Kyle throws the first punch.”_
> 
> With that said, Part 1 is mostly fluff and slow burn. I hope y’all enjoy!

Their story begins in fall.

“Hey, Rodriguez!” a voice calls out, the sound clearly audible over the din of the school cafeteria.

Jason sighs dejectedly, setting his food down on the table. “What do you want, Kyle?”

Kyle sits down at the lunch table next to him, followed by three other boys huddled close by. Their pasty white faces jeer at him, and Kyle’s face twists into a wide grin. “What, I can’t say hi to a friend?” he says, sickly sweet.

Jason remains silent, choosing instead to keep his gaze level with his food. Kyle harrumphs. “Huh. Well, I’ve got a little present for you Rodriguez, I think you’ll like it.” One of the other boys passes something to him, out of sight of Jason. Then before Jason can react, Kyle raises his hand and dumps the can’s contents over Jason’s head. Jason shudders and falls backwards from the seat to the floor, canned beans sliding down his hair and over his face. Kyle laughs hysterically.

“Beans for the beaner!” one of the other boys taunts, his skin waxy and sunken.

One of the students departs from the crowd that had circled around them, crouching down by Jason’s side and helping him up. “Dude, you okay?” he asks quietly.

Jason’s face burns a fierce red, and his hands shake in the other boy’s grip. Whether that’s out of anger or humiliation is hard to tell. “Get out of here, Poe,” he says, voice low.

Poe shakes his head. Snap and Karé quickly huddle around them both, offering all of the napkins they could carry between them.

Kyle whistles. “Got yourself a knight in shining armor, Rodriguez?”

Poe turns to him, glaring a hole into Kyle’s skull. He takes a step forward.

Snap places a hand on Poe’s shoulder. “Poe, don’t,” he warns. 

“Fuck off, Kyle.” Poe says instead.

Kyle rises from his seat, the other white boys following his lead. The rest of the cafeteria falls quiet, the circle that had loosely formed after Jason fell now tightening around them all. Kyle’s face morphs into a deep frown. “You might want to rethink that, _ese,_ ” he spits.

“And what do you think you’re gonna do about it?” Poe counters, adrenaline pumping through his veins. “Take your racist ass home and cry?”

**Kylo throws the first punch.**

Poe jumps back just in time, the tip of Kyle’s fist just barely brushing past his cheek. Kyle growls like an animal and charges at him, movements erratic as he aims for Poe’s sides. Poe quickly steps to the side, sending Kyle stumbling forwards with the force of his own momentum. Poe backtracks, placing as much distance between him and Kyle as possible.

 _Don’t fight a white boy,_ his dad’s voice warns helpfully. Poe hates that he’s right. He can’t afford to fight back, not when he knows exactly how it’ll look to all of the damn teachers and administrators. Poe blows a breath in frustration, eyes quickly scanning the crowd. The other students are packed around him on all sides, blocking any kind of escape route. He catches Karé’s gaze, looks at her worried face. Where the hell are the damn teachers?!

His head snaps back, and pain blooms across his jaw as he stumbles back. Kyle charges at him again, a manic look in his eye as he aims another blow, this one to his side. Poe groans as the pain shoots across his abdomen, and he shoves at Kyle’s shoulder, trying to get the room to stop spinning. Then as Kyle’s face comes into view, his father’s words disappear from his mind.

“Stop running!” Kyle growls, his face twisted in anger.

Poe falls back again, determination in his jaw and anger curling in his stomach. As Kyle chases after him, he steps out and tackles Kyle from the side, bringing them both crashing to the ground. A loud cheer rises around them, screams from all sides.

Kyle falls like a log, a loud squawk escaping his mouth as Poe lands atop him, stunning him. Poe takes the opportunity to rain down punches on Kyle’s face, years of torment and frustration behind each rapid blow. Kyle groans and throws his hands up to protect his face. Then with a grunt he recovers from his stunned moment and he shifts beneath Poe, using his weight to roll them both. Kyle punches mercilessly at Poe’s stomach and sides, the blows falling clumsily over him. Poe groans, panic filling him as he throws his hands up, his elbow connecting with Kyle’s face with a sickening crunch.

Blood spurts from Kyle’s nose and on Poe’s front, singing the air between them with the sharp smell of iron. Kyle clutches at his nose, his movements faltering as he groans. With a choked gasp, Poe takes the opportunity to shove at his shoulders and roll them again. His hair falls in his eyes and he can barely think past the ache on his chest and the ringing in his ears, but he lets his fists fall, adrenaline and desperation and relief pushing his hands faster as he aims for Kyle’s face, his head. There’s some chanting, dulled by the ringing in his ears and his arms ache with fatigue but he doesn’t care, only cares about the boiling anger in his stomach and the dizzying relief in his throat.

Two hands grip Poe’s shoulders and yank him off of Kyle. Poe splutters, kicking at the air with a mix of panic and adrenaline. “Stop it, Dameron!” a voice says. It’s the auto shop teacher, a man who Poe knows and likes. Poe’s heart lurches as reality sets back in and he stops, lowering his legs until he stumbles back on his feet. His ears ring, and his hands and torso sting with fresh bruises. “You good?” the teacher says, voice gruff and hold firm on Poe’s shoulders. 

Poe nods. “Yes, Mr. Gonzalez.”

The hold around Poe’s shoulders relaxes. “Good.” Kyle is similarly restrained by the gym teacher, who is soon joined by one of the math teachers as he tries to lurch free and chase after Poe, blood still dripping from his face and onto the floor. Mr. Gonzalez’ voice carries loudly and easily across the murmurs of the cafeteria. “All of you go to your classes!” Some students turn away to do just that, not wanting to get caught up in the line of fire when the punishments get dealt out. Most stay and continue to watch. Poe’s friends stay, both of them helping Jason take most of the beans out of his face and hair. Snap shakes his head while Karé gives him a discreet thumbs up. Poe smiles at them both.

Mr. Gonzalez’ voice snaps Poe back to reality. “To the Principal’s office, Dameron.”

Poe sighs. “Yeah, I know.” They walk silently to the main office, Mr. Gonzalez’ face grim. Poe glances at him, sees the disappointment there. “He called Jason a beaner.”

Mr. Gonzalez falters, his face morphing into something Poe can’t quite make out before shifting back into a carefully controlled expression. A pregnant pause stretches between them. “Tell that to the Principal,” Mr. Gonzalez says gruffly.

Poe nods. Adrenaline still courses through his body, but it slows into a simmer. The pain of his injuries sinks in, letting him know with a painful twinge that there’s going to be several bruises he’s going to have to deal with, to say the least. He can already feel the one blooming on his jaw and he winces, his father’s disapproving face appearing in his mind’s eye.

At last they reach the office. Mr. Gonzalez places a hand on Poe’s shoulder. They share a look. Then he tells Poe to sit in a chair and wait until Principal Holdo comes out. Poe does. The receptionist glances at him through the top of her wire thin glasses, her lips pressed in disapproval. Another student brings him an ice pack at some point to press onto his wounds, courtesy of the nurse. Poe winces as the cold presses against his skin. The more he sits, the more Poe reflects on what happened, wondering what his dad will say. Anger still flows through him, humming just beneath his skin. He thinks of how Kyle is gonna get off scot free _again,_ and the anger mounts anew. 

“Mr. Dameron.” Poe looks up. Principal Holdo stands in front of her door, looking at him with poorly concealed distaste. “Come in.”

Poe rises and follows. The office is relatively simple, with an imposing wooden desk and computer dividing Holdo’s large leather seat from the two chairs reserved for parents. “Sit,” she says simply. Poe does, grimacing as a bruise on his side twinges painfully. The principal closes the door and crosses behind her desk, sitting carefully in her chair and turning to face him.

Their gazes meet. There is silence. Poe can hear the clock ticking on the wall as the moments pass. He figures that Holdo is trying to intimidate him, through it certainly isn’t working. Principal Holdo taps her fingers on her desk decisively. “Kyle - the student you attacked - is currently in the nurse’s office with a broken nose.” 

Poe’s face wrinkles. “I didn’t _attack_ him, he-”

Holdo raises a finger. “Do not interrupt.” Poe swallows his anger, settles into his seat. “So, as I was saying,” Holdo says with a click of her tongue. “The student you attacked has a broken nose and is being sent home because of the altercation. Our school takes our student’s safety very seriously, so I want to ask - what makes you think that you were justified in fighting on school grounds?”

“Kyle and his gang were bullying Jason and calling him slurs for being Mexican,” Poe says, voice carefully even, just like his dad had told him. “This isn’t the first time this kind of shi-stuff has happened,” he quickly corrects himself, taking a breath. “Kyle isn’t leaving anyone alone. He’s always calling us beaners and wetbacks and he gets away with it no matter how many times we tell the teachers. So I told him to stop and Kyle punched fir-”

Holdo interrupts him again. “I have heard a different retelling of the events.” she says. She raises a hand placatingly, as though she were calming an animal. Ice slides down Poe’s veins and in his throat. “If there was an issue with Kyle and Jason then the only thing to do was to report it. Now this school has a zero tolerance policy for bullying and fighting of any kind, so-”

Poe scoffs. “That’s bullshit.”

The principal’s thin face twists into a scowl. “Dameron - enough.”

“-You’re telling me that this school is about protecting it’s students, right? Or is your goal just to protect the white neo-nazis as they attack everyone else? In that case I’m sure that school to prison pipeline is doing a great job for you.” Poe spits bitterly.

“I said _enough!_ ”

Poe’s mouth snaps shut. The principal’s lips are pressed into a hard white line, her icy gaze boring a hole into Poe’s skull. He meets her gaze head on and refuses to look away. His heart beats a staccato in his chest, blood pulsing in his skull and he swallows. Principal Haldo folds her hands in front of her on the desk, knuckles as white as death. Poe gets the impression that she would much rather be wrapping her talons around his neck. She takes a long intake of breath. “You’re expelled.”

The words ring around Poe’s head, hollow, distant. Holdo continues, “You will be receiving a call home and a letter to set your hearing date.” She leans over and presses a button on the phone on her desk. “Please send security to show Mr. Dameron out.”

Poe clenches his hands. He swallows. “Don’t bother, I’ll escort myself out.” With that, he stands and leaves the office, leaving the ice pack on the desk and the door open behind him. Poe heads to his locker and dumps everything into his backpack. He thinks of Karé and Snap, knows that they’re probably worried about him, and he thinks of what his dad is going to say. Poe pauses, taking a breath as dread settles into his stomach. God, his dad.

After a couple moments Poe opens his eyes again, zipping up his backpack and shutting the locker as he heads to the parking lot. Something shifts in the corner of his vision, and he turns. Another student is in the hall, staring at Poe. Poe stops in his tracks. “What?” he asks, grabbing a better hold of his backpack. It isn’t really part of Kyle’s usual tactics to send someone else to beat Poe up even more in his stead - but he doesn’t think Kyle’s usual tactics account for the possibility of someone actually sending him to the nurse’s office.

The boy looks back at him. “I think what you did was good,” he says, shutting his own locker and taking a couple of steps towards Poe. His smile is shy, but kind, and Poe relaxes. “Stupid as hell,” the boy adds with a lopsided smile. “But good. Kyle’s had it coming for years now, I just wish it happened sooner.”

Poe’s face grows warm, and he rubs the back of his neck. Damn, he really was on edge. “Thanks,” he says, offering a small smile to make up for his previous glare. He realizes with increasing dread that he probably looks like a madman considering how much he looks like - well like he had just been in a fight. “Um, I’m Poe,” he adds clumsily.

“I’m Finn,” the boy replies. He tilts his head. “I think we have a math class together. Pre-calc with Ms. Hansen in 4th period, right?”

Poe nods dumbly. Internally, he curses himself for not having recognized Finn before now because - well it’s not exactly a large school, and everybody knows that the pastor’s son isn’t really going to hang out with the likes of Kyle. Which leads him to the dawning realization that he is a whole dumbass. “Yeah - um. Yeah,” he says intelligently.

Finn’s amused smile lights up a million suns. “I’ll see you around then?”

Poe matches Finn’s smile. “Yeah - I’ll uh, see you around.”

“Cool.” Finn takes a step down the hall. “Bye, Poe.”

Poe’s smile is deranged. “Bye, Finn.” Finn disappears down the hall, and Poe is left shaken for the second time that day. It’s only after he lingers there for a few moments that he remembers Principal Holdo’s words, and that it’s likely he’s not going to see Finn again. That brings him back to thoughts of his dad, and what he did, and how he’s likely never going to amount to anything in life. Poe walks slowly to the parking lot, and all thoughts of Finn slip, momentarily, from his mind. His black camaro is waiting for him. The drive home is little more than a blur in the forefront of his mind.

Poe parks carefully in front of his house, his limbs heavy as he climbs out and walks to his front door. BB8 greets him as soon as he gets home, the little corgi jumping excitedly at his feet. “Hey there, buddy,” Poe closes the door behind him and kneels down to pet them, scratching them just behind the ears as BB8 wags their tail. “I’m feeling a bit hungry, what about you?” The dog tilts their head, a non-answer.

Poe nods knowingly. “Come on, let’s go to the kitchen.”

The dog follows obediently. They scrounge the kitchen for food, Poe offers BB8 a couple of treats and gets another ice pack for himself. His front pocket vibrates again, just as incessant as it had begun on his drive home. Poe heads to his room, fishing his phone out of his pocket as he settles down on his bed.

He has about 30 unread texts, all of which are from Karé and Snap asking him what happened and updating him on Kyle, who - predictably - got off scott free. Poe quickly texts them back that he’s fine, that there’s gonna be a hearing and now he’s just waiting for his dad to get home. Poe tosses the phone aside and cuddles with BB8, using the TV and the dog’s warm fur to distract himself from the rest of the world until his dad comes home.

-

Kes arrives earlier than Poe had anticipated. Poe swallows as he hears the lock turn downstairs and turns off the TV. BB8 barks excitedly, glad that both Damerons have returned early. Poe takes a breath and clutches them closer. Kes knocks on Poe’s door a couple of minutes later, tie askew. “Oh, Mijo,” he says as soon as he takes in Poe’s face. Poe looks away, knows that there’s already a bruise on his jaw despite his best efforts to keep the swelling down. Kes’ voice is weary. “What happened?”

Poe swallows. “I got into a fight and I uh, might have gotten expelled.” He turns his gaze to the wall to avoid his father’s gaze. The engine schematics on the wall don’t offer him much comfort, but the handwritten notes on the side are better than the look he imagines is on his father’s face.

“Yeah, I got a call from the school.” Kes sighs, coming over to sit next to Poe on the bed. Poe feels his father’s disappointment settle around him, drawing a lump to his throat. “But _why?_ ”

Poe swallows again, anger threatening to bubble back up as he recalls the event. “Kyle dumped a can of beans on a kid and called him a beaner,” Poe says finally. “I was just trying to stop him.”

Kes takes a sharp intake of breath. “A kid _what?!_ ” Poe looks up at his father’s face, sees the anger behind his gaze, the vein on his father’s forehead throbbing dangerously. Kes takes another breath, locking his jaw. “Did you tell the principal that?” he asks gruffly.

“Yeah. She dismissed me and I might’ve said some things to her - nothing directly disrespectful,” Poe quickly adds at the look on his father’s face. “Just - Dad, this isn’t the first time Kyle or the other white kids have done this kind of stuff. It was a freshman, I just thought I should do something.” he looks down, feels the pinprick of tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

Kes sighs, wraps his arms around his son. Poe leans into his dad’s hug, BB8 repositioning themselves on their laps. Poe scratches behind their head absentmindedly. A pause stretches between them, and it’s like Poe can hear the gears turning in his father’s head, considering everything that happened and carefully selecting what response to settle on. The anticipation clutches desperately at Poe’s throat, tightening like a rope. “You did a good thing,” Kes says at last. Poe lets out a sigh of relief. “Now,” Kes begins again. “If this were any other situation where you got expelled for being in a fight, you don’t even want to _think_ of the consequences - and that’s before your abuela would get a hold of you.” Poe winces, dread settling in his stomach at the thought. He loves his grandma dearly and would do anything for her, but she is also one of the scariest women on the planet and could probably bring a whole nation to its knees with a single word on her tongue and a chancla in her hand. Kes rubs his son’s shoulder knowingly and blows a breath. “Son, I hate to ask this, but did you throw the first punch?”

Poe shakes his head. “No. He did, definitely. I know what you taught me.”

“Ok, do you have anyone who can back you up on that?”

“Yeah, uh - Karé and Snap were there, and the whole cafeteria saw him start it.”

Kes breathes a sigh of relief. “Ok. Ok, good.” he rubs Poe’s shoulder again, the gears in his head turning again for a different reason. “That means we can fight this, mijo. Your mom and I didn’t fight as hard as we did so some racist white kid can get you expelled from school at the beginning of your senior year.”

Poe raises his head. “You’re not mad? We can fix this?”

“We can definitely try.” Kes shoots him a smile, and old memories flutter through Poe’s mind of his father staying up late and telling him stories about Kes and Poe’s mom fighting the good fight and going against all the odds. It’s part of the reason why he was able to call Haldo out on her bullshit in the first place. “At the very least,” Kes continues, “We’re going to give them hell.”

-

And hell was sent. Waters rose and flooded, fire raged and scorched, thunder boomed and struck the earth, and hail fell from the skies with a biblical vengeance. Poe could hear his father’s booming voice from outside the room where the hearing was being held as though he were holding a microphone. Karé and Snap sit next to him, wide-eyed and gaping as they listen to their friend’s father - a kind and gentle man who loves to cook, who offers them all dad advice and corny dad jokes in spades - threaten to burn the school down with a mountain of media attention and a lawsuit against the school’s blatant racial discrimination. By the time Kes comes out of the room to invite Poe back in, Poe is beaming and both Karé and Snap are stunned and staring. They manage to scramble themselves back together in time to shoot Poe encouraging looks as he re-enters the room. 

As he sits down, Poe spots the principal and other school administrators whispering amongst themselves with grave expressions on their faces. After several moments of murmuring Holdo raises a hand, silencing everyone. She levels her icy gaze on Poe, swallowing. Then with a breath, she says, “Given this is Mr. Dameron’s first and only case of misconduct and the . . . circumstances . . . surrounding the altercation between Mr. Dameron and the other student, the hearing committee has decided that Mr. Dameron will . . . _not_ be expelled.”

Poe breathes a quiet sigh of relief. Holdo’s gaze narrows. “ _However,_ ” she stresses, “Mr. Dameron was still found fighting on school grounds, which is clearly in violation of school code. So we have decided that Mr. Dameron will be considered suspended for the past two days that he has been away from school - _and,_ given his grades in English and Chemistry, he’s going to need to be a peer tutor in the after school program for the rest of the school year.” Holdo looks at Poe pointedly, waiting for a protest. “Is that clear?”

“And Poe’s comments about the school’s indulgence of the school-to-prison pipeline?” Kes asks, drawing her attention back to him.

Holdo’s mouth presses together until it looks like she has no lips at all. “The school’s administrative guidelines for this school year have already been set, and are in full compliance with state and federal guidelines. We will, however, take Mr. Dameron’s . . . suggestions . . . under advisement when planning for the upcoming school year,” she says after a moment. Poe strongly doubts that. 

Kes takes a breath, figuring he can fight the institution another time. “Alright.” 

“Good.” Holdo clips. “This hearing is adjourned.”

-

The library is stuffy, the air thick enough to cast a thin grey tint over the equally dusty bookshelves and desks. It’s as though a window has not been opened in years. The librarian guides Poe carefully to the back where there are a couple of tables set up with a sign on top that reads: _Need Homework Help? Peer tutoring: Tuesdays and Thursdays, 3:00PM - 4:30PM_. There’s one other kid sitting at the table. She doesn’t even glance up as Poe sits down, choosing to pour over her book instead.

Poe settles down, wonders why this _has_ to be the only other alternative to being expelled. He looks around. There’s a single window to his right, screwed shut into the woodwork. Two bookshelves are placed both in front of and behind him, the exit just a narrow passageway behind that. He can see how he’s never found this place before, tucked away and out of view. Poe sighs and accepts his fate of four hours a week staring at a wall. He sets his head on the table and groans.

“. . . Did you fall asleep?”

Poe hums and looks up. Finn looks back at him, an amused smile on his face. Poe immediately straightens in his seat, running his fingers through his hair. “No - I - uh,” he stammers, embarrassed. “Just closed my eyes for a second?”

“Uh huh,” Finn says dubiously. The chair across from Poe scrapes quietly on the carpet floor as he sits down. He whistles low as he takes a better look at Poe’s face. “Damn, Kyle really doesn’t pull any punches huh?”

Poe scoffs, runs a hand over the black and purple bruise on his jaw. “It’s just a couple of bruises. You should see the other guy,” he jokes. 

“I _did_ see the other guy,” Finn says amusedly. “You’ve got a mean right hook.”

A small amount of pride unfurls in Poe’s stomach. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.” Finn takes out his notebook. “It’s about time someone got Kyle expelled.”

“He got expelled?” Poe asks. He had been preparing for retaliation at some point, but if Kyle got expelled, then -

“You didn’t know?” Finn asks, brows knitting together.

Poe shakes his head. “I was too busy worrying about _me_ being expelled.”

Finn winces sympathetically. “I’m guessing Holdo put you up to this then in exchange for not getting kicked out?”

Poe blows a breath. “Yeah,” he admits. “I guess it’s the lesser of two evils.” Finn scoffs dubiously, and the expression brings a smile to Poe’s face. “That’s my situation. Why are you here though? You uh,” Poe says, swallowing. “Do you need tutoring, or . . . ?” Poe mentally slaps himself in the face. Yes, because the way to make friends is to imply that he’s dumb. Smooth, Dameron. We stan a suave legend.

By some blessed powers that be, Finn doesn’t decide to hate Poe then and there. “No, I’m a tutor too - along with Sahra sometimes when she’s not too busy daydreaming,” he says as he pulls out a textbook. The girl from before raises her head, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. Finn turns his gaze back to Poe. “Almost nobody shows up, so this is basically a glorified study period that looks good in college apps.”

“You already got that all planned out huh?” Poe says, twiddling a pen between his fingers. 

“Kind of,” Finn says sheepishly. He looks up at Poe from beneath his lashes. “I’m not applying this year, I know I need to save some money up first for college. But I’d rather know what I’m up against than get caught by surprise, you know?”

Poe nods dumbly. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s smart.”

The librarian turns the corner and glares at them both. “Shh!” she hisses. Finn turns in his seat, smiles at her sheepishly. “Sorry,” he whispers. She sniffs and turns away.

Poe scribbles something on his notebook, nudges it in Finn’s direction. Finn looks down curiously, huffs under his breath. _I thought we were supposed to be able to tutor people? How are we gonna do that if we can’t talk?_ the note reads.

Finn pulls out a pen and scribbles a message back in neat script. _Now you know why nobody shows up._ After a moment, Finn takes the notebook and scribbles a second note next to his first one. _I’m glad you’re here though. Misery loves company._ Finn smiles, and Poe feels warmth spread through him like sunlight on a warm day.

-

The night is clear, a crisp breeze just brushing away the leaves that have begun to fall. Poe leans against the hood of his car, the engine still warm. “I dunno,” he says into the crisp night air. “I mean have you ever talked to him before? Because this guy’s hilarious and-”

“-Yes, you’re absolutely smitten over Finn, we get it,” Karé says, taking a swig from the thermos in her hand.

Poe’s face warms. “I’m not looking to date the guy, I’m just saying-”

“-No, you’re definitely looking to date him.” Snap adds, gesturing at Poe’s face. “You’ve got your whole anxious ‘how-do-I-ask-him-out-but-also-make-it-so-that-I’m-not-in-case-it-all-goes-to-shit’ look on your face.”

“You want to sweep him up into your big gay arms and get gay married and ride off into the gay sunset with a rainbow flag draped over your shoulders,” Karé continues. “And we support you - Really, my lesbian heart bleeds for you. But you can’t exactly get married if you haven’t even asked him out.”

Poe kicks at the ground, glancing up and to the side to distract himself. Most of the other people around them are huddled in groups like they are, trying to ward off the slight chill. The music isn’t to his taste, but it’s not the euro trash like last time. “We’re just friends,” Poe says at last, waving away their comments. “Why do you think I want to date every guy I meet?”

“Remember what happened with Muran?” Snap says.

Poe makes a face and turns back to look at them. “Okay, but that was _one time._ ”

“And he turned out to be a huge dick,” Snap says.

“In more than one way,” Karé deadpans. She and Snap burst out laughing at the look on Poe’s face.

He really can’t even say anything because he knows they’re right. “I hate you both.”

“You love us,” Snap says, wrapping him into a one-armed hug.

Poe hums. “Do I though?”

Karé laughs. “Okay look, my family goes to his dad’s church. They seem nice. If this guy is as cool as you keep making him out to be, invite him to a race sometime. You can win the race and make out with him then.”

Poe throws his head back against Snap’s shoulder, groaning. “I told you I’m not-”

“-Hey hey hey, they’re here,” Snap says, drawing their attention elsewhere. Poe looks up, and sure enough a red Mustang approaches them slowly, flipping their highbeams on. Snap’s arm falls away from his shoulders as they all raise their hands to block out the light. A guy steps out of the car, waves a hand at everyone. A girl steps out of the passenger’s side, goes over to drape herself over him. Someone whistles. “Show off,” Snap mutters under his breath.

“Does he have a reason to be?” Karé asks, looking utterly unimpressed. “I haven’t heard of him before.”

“Supposedly he’s beaten both Viper and Little Tommy,” Poe says, looking over at the car curiously. From the surface level, it looks like it’s made more for style than function. But if he’s beaten the other two, then there’s definitely something more hiding under that hood.

“You can beat him,” Karé says decisively.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” a voice booms, drawing their attention. “Looks like we’re ready to race!” A cheer erupts from the crowd, and a familiar sense of tension coils in Poe’s gut, ready to spring. “Racers, get to your places!”

“Good luck,” Snap says, clapping Poe on the back.

“Thanks,” Poe says. His friends head to the sidelines to join the rest of the spectators, out of the way of the cars. The guy with the red mustang exchanges a long kiss with the girl that came with him before she, too, joins the others. Poe takes a breath and gets into his own car, the leather familiar under his hands. He lines up next to the mustang.

“Alright alright alright, we’ve got a new face on the scene!” the announcer calls out again. “Tonight’s race is Mad Dog, coming here originally from San Diego up against our own reigning champion, the undefeated Black One!” A cheer erupts from the crowd. Poe glances at the other guy. He smirks at Poe. Poe turns away.

One of the girls steps up to the front, carefully balancing on dangerously high heels. She raises her hands, hip leaning to the side. Poe grips the steering wheel securely, takes a breath. Her hands rain down, and Poe flies forward.

The car is smooth beneath him, all power and speed over the terrain. The mustang, however, lurches forward, gaining a few inches. A curve comes up and Poe waits as the mustang shoots off before he turns the wheel all the way to the left. The tires screech from the turn, humming beneath his feet and in the metal of the car frame. He’s close to the edge, but he knows he won’t hit it. Black One speeds down the night, the red taillights nothing more than a blur behind him. Adrenaline pumps in Poe’s veins, but he’s calm, acutely aware of everything around him, about the power humming just beneath his fingers. The road they’re racing on isn’t one he’s all that familiar with, but full of curves and perfect for racing. Poe grins from ear to ear.

The air is thick with the smell of burnt rubber and the roar of an engine. The red mustang is in front of him, swerving to try and prevent Poe from surpassing him on the track. The curves keep getting tighter and tighter to each other, and the red mustang stalls, twisting dangerously close to the edge and to Poe’s car. Poe frowns. The mustang is fast, but lacks control. The closer the car drags to the edge the more concerned Poe gets that it’s going to drag him with it. He needs to get in front of the car. Another curve comes up, only the guy doesn’t see it in time and lurches too late to the left, tires screeching loudly. Poe takes the opportunity and twists in the opposite direction, the car lurching and sliding in front of the red. Poe floors it, his back pressing hard against the seat and his black camaro lurching forward with a mighty roar.

The mustang roars behind him, drifting wildly around the curves. The finish line is just up ahead, and the mustang is hot on his heels, trying desperately to make up the distance it had lost, but Poe’s controlled, won’t let him. The street levels out and becomes straight again, the final stretch before they reach the finish line. Poe speeds up, knowing that the mustang has speed on him. It races after him, closing the divide fast. Only it’s too late, and the crowd cheers as Poe’s camaro crosses the finish line first, stopping with a loud squeal of tires.

Poe’s thrown against the side of the car as he turns, stops. His heart is racing in his chest and he’s grinning, exhilarated and giddy and alive. He climbs out of the car, looking around for his friends. They run up to him, Snap wrapping him into a hug. Karé’s girlfriend arrived at some point, and they both wraps themselves around Poe too once Snap lets go of him.

“Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for our undefeated champion, Black One!”

The crowd roars, almost as loud as the blood pumping in Poe’s ears. He grins at them all, heads over to Mad Dog. The boy can’t be more than 15, and is far skinnier than Poe would’ve through given that huge jacket he wears. Poe offers his hand. “Hey, good race buddy!” he says, grinning. Mad Dog scowls at him, ignoring Poe’s hand completely and spinning away. Poe shrugs, goes back to his friends. Money is exchanging hands and Snap is at the front of it all, keeping track of everyone and making sure nobody tried to cheat the system. At the end he hands Poe his share of the winnings, a solid $2,300 in his pocket. 

Karé whistles. “Nice, Dameron. What do you plan on spending it on?”

Poe shrugs as he tucks the money away. “I dunno yet. I’ll figure it out.”

-

November passes. The leaves remain barren, but snow doesn’t fall. Fog spreads instead, slow and sharp as it cuts into their skin.

The bell rings to signal the end of the school day. Students shuffle their textbooks and binders into their backpacks, rushing towards the door. Poe falls in behind them, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Bye Mr. Gonzalez,” he says to the autoshop teacher.

“See you tomorrow, Poe,” the teacher says, erasing the engine diagram he had drawn on the chalkboard.

The halls are packed with students, some stopping to talk with their friends but the majority heading to the doors for the day’s first taste of freedom. Poe glances briefly at the doors before he diverts from the group and heads instead down the hall and to the library. He traces the two tickets in his back pocket, making sure that they’re still there.

Finn texted him that morning saying he was going to miss their shared math class, and Poe was disappointed for all of 5 minutes until Finn said he’d be back for the after school tutoring. Somehow, despite his initial dread of the mandatory tutoring, it’s become more than tolerable with Finn there, and something he even is starting to look forward to. He can talk about anything with Finn - anything and everything, and it’s like talking to someone who knows him better than he knows himself. 

Finn is already there when Poe arrives, smiling at him as Poe sits down. “You missed some dumb shit during 4th period,” Poe whispers as he pulls out his binder. “I got you the homework, it’s not much different than what we did yesterday. What did you even have to do to get out of class?”

Finn glances over in the direction that Poe had just walked through, wary of the librarian with ears like a hawk. He writes something on his notebook instead, passing it on to Poe. Poe leans over to read the note. _Dentist Appointment_ , the note reads, followed by a frowny face. Poe looks up to see Finn’s face, which is scrunched up in exaggerated distaste.

Poe smiles. Their eyes meet. Poe swallows, feels his face grow warm as Finn looks at him. His gaze is piercing, as though he can reach out to grab a hold of Poe’s heart and hold it close to his chest. Poe is acutely aware of his breathing, and he swallows. The tickets burn in his back pocket. The question is on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t get it out. Finn tilts his head, and Poe can all but see the way the gears turn in that brilliant head of his, though the contents of his thoughts remain a mystery. Why is it this hard to ask Finn to hang out with him outside of the tutoring thing? It’s not like Finn could really hate him, could he? Finn looks away first, and the moment is gone, the opportunity having slipped by Poe’s fingers.

Poe clears his throat, settles back into his seat. Curses himself, mentally. They spend the rest of the two hours like usual, working on their respective homework and asking each other for advice on when it gets tough. Poe spends a lot of the time staring out the window, trying to will himself into getting the nerve to ask Finn what he wanted to ask. But the words refuse to come out, and the time passes far faster than he would’ve liked.

At 4:30PM, Finn stands and raises his arms, his joints cracking satisfyingly after sitting too long in one spot. Poe watches him, admires the way the soft green sweater he’s wearing rises up just a bit, just enough - he looks away. Poe shoves his stuff into his backpack, grabs his jacket and wraps it around himself. They wave goodbye to the librarian on their way out, who only nods at them both. 

As soon as they leave the library, Finn takes a large breath. “Finally, I can actually talk,” he breathes.

“Don’t like being quiet for too long?” Poe asks. The school hallways are practically empty, just a handful of administrators finishing up the day’s work.

“Not really. I like being able to talk to people - talk to you,” Finn says. Poe’s heart skips a beat. “You know, without worrying about the librarian or anyone,” he concludes.

Poe nods to himself. “Yeah, I know what you mean,” he says. They walk slowly down the stairs and to the parking lot, their arms brushing every now and then. Poe imagines what it’d be like to link their fingers, but pushes the thought away as quickly as it appears. 

A breeze passes by as they step outside, biting against Poe’s skin. Finn shivers next to him, drawing his jacket closer against himself. “Alright, see you tomorrow?” Finn says, turning in the direction of his usual route home.

“Yeah,” Poe replies, disappointment settling in his stomach. “Wait,” he says as Finn turns away. He clears his throat. “It’s cold, why don’t I give you a ride home?”

Finn’s brows raise. “Poe, I literally live 10 minutes away, and it’s in the opposite direction of your place, right?”

“Well, yeah,” Poe says, scrambling to organize his thoughts. All he knows though is that he doesn’t feel right letting Finn walk home alone in the cold. “But you look like you’re freezing - and like you said, it’s only 10 minutes away, right?” Finn looks to the side, thinking, and another cold breeze seems to make the decision for him.

“Yeah - yeah that’d be nice, thanks. Which one’s your car?” Finn says at last.

“The black one over there,” Poe says, pointing it out.

The engine thrums to life, and Poe turns up the heat as Finn shoves his hands in front of the air vent. Poe laughs at Finn’s expression. Finn mock glares at him. “I don’t do the cold, Poe.”

“I can tell,” Poe says amusedly. He’s extra careful as he drives them out of the parking lot and to the street, following Finn’s directions down a couple of blocks. Like Finn said, he lives very close to the school and the 10 minute walk turns into a 5 minute car ride, which is far, far too short, if anyone was asking. Not that anyone was. Asking. The car heats up quickly and is practically toasty by the time they get to Finn’s front door. Finn whines at the thought of going out into the cold again, and Poe grins like a fool.

Then Finn turns to him, shooting him a grateful look. “Thanks for the ride, Poe,” he says.

“Yeah, anytime,” Poe replies. “Um, actually if you uh, need a ride home I mean, I can uh, drive you, everyday. So you don’t get cold. Um. If you want?”

“What? No, I couldn’t-”

“It’s really ok, I mean I’d hate for you to die of hypothermia or something,” Poe says.

Finn lets out a breath. He peers out into the cold, and then back at Poe. “It’s not too much trouble?” he asks dubiously.

Poe swallows, smiles. “Not at all.”

“. . . Okay,” Finn says after a pause. “Thanks, Poe.”

“Yeah,” Poe breathes. Their eyes meet, and suddenly all of the cold is gone, and it’s just them again, lost in time. Poe clears his throat. “Actually, I uh - I wanted to ask you something else.” Finn’s brows raise curiously. Poe fumbles and pulls the tickets from out of his back pocket before he can lose his nerve again. “There’s this drag race happening next weekend,” he begins, staring down at the tickets in his hand. “I know the guys who run it and it’s a pretty cool event, and well I kind of got an extra pair of tickets and I wanted to know if you, um, wanted to go? With me?” His whole face is red at this point, he’s sure of it. He looks up, and Finn has a strange expression on his face, as though he’s making up his mind again. What Poe wouldn’t give to figure out what Finn is thinking. Poe’s heart pounds, and he takes a breath. 

Finn smiles, Poe can breathe again. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d love to.”

A slow smile creeps up Poe’s face, unbelieving. “Really?”

Finn nods, chuckles. “Yeah, it’ll be fun.” He tilts his head. “I have one condition, though.”

Confusion strikes across Poe’s face. He straightens in his seat. “Okay. Yeah, sure. Anything.”

“My dad’s church is performing the winter play soon,” Finn begins, looking amused at Poe’s expression. “So, since we’re in the process of inviting people to stuff, do you wanna come and see a performance?” Finn finishes the sentence with a little smile, as though embarrassed that he even asked.

A beat passes. “Is that all?”

Finn’s brows knit. “Huh?”

“I was expecting a ring of fire, buddy,” Poe jokes with a grin. “No dragons to slay? Kingdoms to topple?”

Finn laughs, though his face twists into a strange expression. “Shut up! Ugh, sorry, it’s lame, I shouldn’t have even asked.”

“No, come on - I’d love to go.”

Finn makes a face, still dubious. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” They’re grinning at each other, and Poe feels like he could take on the world without an issue at all. The car goes silent again. Finn licks his lips, and Poe’s eyes trace the motion before flicking back up. “I’ll um. I should get inside,” Finn says, voice quiet.

“Yeah.” Neither of them make a single move to leave. Poe swallows. “I’ll um, text you for the details of the race.”

Finn nods. “Yeah.” A beat passes. “Um, I kinda need the ticket?”

Poe looks down at his hands, which are still holding the tickets that he pulled out a while ago but forgot about. “Yeah, sorry - here you go.” he hands Finn’s ticket to him. Their fingers brush.

Finn smiles at him. “Thanks, again. Bye, Poe.”

“Bye, Finn.” With that, Finn opens the door and leaves, bringing the cold into the car for a moment before the door closes behind him. Something moves out of the corner of Poe’s eye but when he looks up at the house, nothing is there. So he shakes his head, waves goodbye to Finn as he enters the house, and drives off. The butterflies in his stomach linger.

-

The night is cold, cold enough that Poe shivers through his jacket as he gets out of the car and climbs up the steps to Finn’s front porch. He knocks once, twice, taking a step back. He regrets his decision to choose this jacket out of all of the other ones in his closet, but he couldn’t figure out what to wear and well it’s a little bit too late now. Poe hears movement behind the door and he straightens, clears his throat. The door opens and a man appears, leveling clear blue eyes on Poe. Poe offers a nervous smile, raises a hand in hello. “Hi, Mr. Skywalker. My name’s Poe, I’m here to pick up Finn?”

Luke Skywalker is a kind man by reputation, but standing in front of him in person, Poe begins to wonder whether that’s just reputation. A tense beat passes as Luke surveys Poe, as though measuring him up. Poe stills the urge to run a hand over his jacket nervously. Should he have worn a suit? It’s a little formal for a race but he figures maybe he could’ve borrowed his dad’s and oh no he really made a horrible decision didn’t he. Fuck his entire -

Finn’s dad beams at him, cutting all of Poe’s disastrous thoughts short. “You’re Poe! Yeah come in, come in! It’s cold.” He stands aside, and Poe lets out a sigh of relief as he takes a step inside.

“Is that Poe?” a voice calls from the hall. A woman appears a moment later, standing next to her husband and beaming at Poe. “Hi! It’s so nice to meet you, I’m Finn’s mom, you can call me Mary - Shut the door, honey you’re letting the cold in.” her smile is disarming, and Poe realizes in that moment that Finn definitely got his kind face from his mom.

He’s only able to appreciate the warmth for a moment before Finn appears over his mom’s shoulder, a panicked expression on his face. “Hey! Sorry I took a little long to get ready - aren’t we running late?” Finn says, looking at Poe expectantly.

“No it’s fine, we’ve got a little time until-”

“Nope, definitely late. Okay sorry Mom, sorry Dad, we gotta go, love you, bye!” Finn says in a rush, grabbing hold of Poe’s arm and dragging him out into the cold again.

“Okay, drive safe!” Mary calls out, waving at them both.

“Make sure to get back before 10!” Luke calls out after them, an amused expression on his face.

“You’ve got it Mr. and Mrs. Skywalker - really nice to meet you both!” Poe says as he follows Finn to his car.

Luke chuckles and shuts the door.

Finn doesn’t let go of Poe’s arm as they quickly cut across the front lawn, and Poe pulls on his sleeve gently to get them to stop. “Hey hey hey! What’s the rush?”

Finn turns, his face turning sheepish. “Sorry, I just didn’t want them to start a story and keep us trapped there for the next 30 minutes.” His glances down at his hand still on Poe’s arm, and he quickly lets go. 

Poe smiles at him as he pulls out his keys and opens up the passenger side door for Finn. “Okay,” he says. “They seem really nice though.”

“Tell me about the race instead. Where is it exactly?” Finn says, quickly changing the subject as he slides into the seat.

Poe closes the door after him before going around to the other side. “It’s in that backroad under the freeway out of town. You’re gonna love it,” he says excitedly as he starts the engine.

-

The crowd is packed when they arrive, the self-appointed security that always regulates these kinds of events working double time to make sure nobody slips by without their ticket. Poe grabs hold of Finn’s arm this time as they weave through the crowd. Some people greet Poe as he passes by, clapping him on the back or exchanging a quick nod. Finn grabs a stronger hold on Poe’s arm, not wanting to get lost. At least, that’s what Poe rationalizes it as. Snap and Karé find them first, Kare’s girlfriend Zoe waving excitedly.

“Hey you made it!” Snap says as he draws Poe into a bone crushing hug.

“Wouldn’t miss it, buddy!” Poe says.

“Is this Finn?” Karé asks, smiling at Finn.

“Hey,” Finn greets. 

“Oh come on now, we hug in this house,” Zoe says, wrapping her arms quickly around Finn. Each one of them gives Finn a hug in turn, and Poe makes quick exchanges. 

“Y’all want some hot chocolate?” Zoe says, pulling out a thermos and cups from somewhere beneath her coat.

“Babe, where the hell did you store that?” Karé asks her girlfriend, an incredulous look on her face.

Zoe winks. “I can show you later. I want you to be able to win this thing, and you can’t do that if your hands are stiff with cold, so drink up!” she says, passing cups around.

“You’re racing tonight?” Finn asks, leaning in closer to be heard over the increasing volume of the music.

“Oh hell yeah,” Kare replies with a grin. “The pool this time is $4,500, I want a shot at that.”

Poe whistles under his breath. “Damn, I thought the pool was only $1,500, what made it spike up so much?”

“Mad Dog’s trying to make up for his last race a couple of weeks ago, so he got two more racers in and upped the stakes. It’s gonna be four racers at once,” Snap replies. A boombox passes by them, the music pounding against their ears. Wincing, Snap points to the makeshift bleachers under the bridge. “Hey let’s grab seats before the good ones are all taken up!” he yells to be heard over the music.

“Agreed!” Zoe says. “Good luck babe!” She presses a series of kisses to Karé’s lips before she follows the rest of them up to the seats. Poe’s hand finds Finn’s, and they lace their fingers together as they weave through the crowd. At last they leave most of the loud music behind and take a seat, high enough to look over the track.

“Is the crowd usually this big?” Finn asks as they sit down, looking around curiously. 

Poe shakes his head. “Not usually.” He frowns as he surveys the track, dimly lit as it is beneath the highway. “Snap, you said it’s four racers at once?” 

“Yep,” Snap replies. “I had your same thought.”

“What?” Finn says, following their gaze and squinting at the path in the darkness. “Is that not normal?”

“Well. It’s not that common. But the thing I’m concerned about is just how narrow this track is. I’m not sure how four racers are gonna be able to fit.”

“It’ll be fine,” Zoe says, taking a swig of her hot chocolate. “Kare’s car is built for control. She can handle it.”

Poe hums noncommittally. Finn reaches over and squeezes Poe’s hand. They exchange a quick smile. The announcer calls them to attention for the race to begin, and the moment is broken.

Finn gets settled into his seat as the proceedings begin, eyes darting everywhere. As everyone settles in, Finn shivers, tugging at his sweater unhelpfully. Without a second thought, Poe sets his cup down and shrugs off his brown leather jacket to wrap it around Finn, “Here,” Poe says. “I should’ve told you to bring a jacket.”

Finn’s face is sheepish. “No, I’m fine,” he says, trying to hand the jacket back to Poe. “I couldn’t take your jacket, you’re only wearing a shirt-”

“Finn, you hate the cold,” Poe says, wrapping the jacket back around Finn’s shoulders. “Come on, I run warm anyways.” That’s a lie. A bold faced lie because even now while they’re surrounded by the rest of the people in the seats his shoulders already feel the chill start to seep into his bones, but that doesn’t matter right now. “What kind of friend would I be if I let you freeze to death?”

“Oh my god just take the jacket!” Snap cuts in, shoving at them goodnaturedly. He gestures his cup at the front. “Look, the race is starting!” 

That settles the conversation. The race starts a couple of moments later, and everyone’s eyes are on the track. Poe’s eyes are on Finn. Finn’s face lights up as the cars take off, their taillights little more than a blur of red stripes behind them. The crowd cheers as one of the racers takes the lead, and Finn fits right in. Poe tears his gaze away, clearing his throat and taking a swig of his hot chocolate to ward off the chill. Mad Dog is in the lead but Karé is quick behind him, her front bumper just shy of kissing his taillight.

The race ends after three laps, and Kare manages to slip to the front only once before Mad Dog takes the lead back and finishes first. The crowd cheers, and Finn joins them, though a bit more reluctantly considering Kare had only gotten second place. Zoe and Snap swear profusely beside them.

Kare is upset when she comes up to them afterwards, but some attention from her girlfriend soothes the wound of missing out on $4,500. They go out for a bite to eat afterwards at the diner, gorging themselves on fries and mozzarella sticks. Finn is soon surrounded by Snap, Zoe, and Kare, all of whom ask him about himself in a less blasphemous version of the Spanish Inquisition. Finn gets along with them all like a fish takes to water, cracking jokes with everyone as though they’ve all known each other for years.

They have to be the first ones to take off though, Luke’s warning of getting Finn back by nine ringing in his head. “Okay,” Poe says as they get back into his car. “So, what did you think of drag racing?”

“Honestly? I loved it,” Finn says, staring out the window. “That’s definitely going on my bucket list.”

“You’ve got a bucket list?” Poe asks curiously, glancing at him.

“Yeah!” His smile is mischievous. “I’ve got a lot of stuff I wanna do.”

Poe hums. “Like what?”

“Well,” Finn begins, counting off the tasks with his fingers. “First, I wanna go skinny dipping. Preferably when it’s a bit warmer out, but still. And I wanna see Halley’s Comet. Which probably won’t happen, but a guy can dream.”

“You like comets?”

“Mmhmm,” Finn says. “I’ve got this big telescope in my room to look up at the stars.”

“That’s cool,” Poe says.

Finn laughs, shakes his head. “No, it isn’t. It’s something the romantic interest in a romcom does, right?”

“Maybe,” Poe muses. “You’ve got the romantic interest part right.” From the corner of his eye, Poe sees Finn duck his head into his chest. Warmth spreads across Poe’s cheeks and he clears his throat, trying to still his heart thumping in his chest. Where did that come from? “So um, what else did you have on that bucket list of yours?” he deflects. 

The moment passes.

Finn hums and looks out the window in thought. “There’s only a little bit more. I also wanna get a tattoo, and learn how to ride a motorcycle, and read over a thousand books - and I want to be in two places at once.”

“How are you gonna pull that last one off?”

Finn shrugs. “I’m not sure yet. But I’ll figure it out.”

“Well, I can help you with at least one of those,” Poe says. “I can take you drag racing sometime. I mean, probably not in an actual race because that’s not allowed, but,” Poe shrugs. “That knocks one thing down.”

“You’d do that?” Finn asks. The car stops at a stoplight, and Poe glances over. The streetlight casts a warm red glow over his face, highlighting the curve of his cheek, his mouth, the intensity of his eyes. Finn has gorgeous eyes. 

Poe bites his lip. “Yeah. Guess you better add some more stuff to your bucket list.”

Finn smiles at him, and Poe’s whole body grows warm. “Thanks. I look forward to it.”

The light turns green, and Poe looks back at the road. They talk for a few more minutes until at last they turn the corner over onto Finn’s street. The street is empty, and Poe glances at the clock on his dashboard as he slows the car into a stop right in front of Finn’s lawn. 8:48. He’s still early. 

“Well then, I guess this is me.” Finn says as Poe shuts off the engine. Their gazes meet again. “I had a great time,” Finn says, quietly.

Poe smiles. “Yeah, I did too.”

Finn unbuckles his seat belt, sits forward and closer to Poe until their knees touch. Poe’s breath catches in his throat, and his heart pounds. “Here,” Finn says, shrugging off the jacket. “Thanks for letting me borrow this.”

A release of breath. “No no no,” Poe says, touching Finn’s arm to stop him. “Keep it,” he says, meeting Finn’s gaze. “It suits you.”

Finn’s face grows warm. “Thanks,” he says quietly. “I’ll text you?”

“Yeah.” Poe bites his lip. “Goodnight, Finn.”

“Goodnight, Poe.” The door opens, and Finn goes to his front door. Poe waits until the door opens and Finn waves goodbye before he drives off.

-

Kes looks up from the book in his lap as the door opens and Poe slips through. He frowns at his son, eyes skimming over his thin undershirt. “¿Que le paso a tu chamarra?” he asks from the living room couch.

Poe’s face grows warm. “I uh, lent it to a friend.” he says.

Kes takes off his glasses, fights off a smile. “ _Mmhmmm,_ ” he hums dubiously. His amused gaze follows Poe up the stairs and to his room.

-

Exams season comes and goes, and winter break takes hold. The church is small, intimate, and filled to the brim with people. Poe slips by most of them, trying to find a spare seat. The front of the church, where the sermon would be, is covered up by a large red curtain. He recognizes a lot of the people here, most of them are kids from school and their families, but nobody he really knows. Poe hasn’t stepped foot in a church in years, and as he looks up at the stained glass image of St. Raphael staring back at him, he looks away. Poe feels out of place. This is Finn’s place, where Finn knows everyone. Poe clears his throat, looks down at his program to distract himself.

Thankfully, his phone buzzes a minute later. Poe fishes it out, his lips curving up into a smile at the sight of Finn’s name flashing across his screen. He opens the text and quickly replies. 

Finn: Did you get here yet?

Poe: Yeah, I just got here. The place is packed!

Finn: Ok good.

Finn: I’m panicking.

Poe: Why???

Finn: How many people are here?

Poe looks around himself, noting the crowd of people already starting to pack into the pews. He looks back at his phone and purses his lips.

Poe: Not a lot.

Finn: Why do you lie to me like this.

Poe: lololol ok listen

Poe: Finn, you are amazing, I believe in you. You’ve been practicing your lines for forever, and you’re going to be amazing. You’re a good man. And everything’s going to be fine. 

Finn: Ok

Finn: Ok. Thanks Poe

Finn: Show’s starting, grab a seat!!

Poe smiles down at his phone.

“Hey, Poe!”

Poe looks up, smiles at Finn’s mom who sits down next to him. “I didn’t know Finn invited you! Is it alright if I sit by you for the performance?”

Poe nods, scooting over to make room. “Yeah, of course Mrs. Skywalker,” he says politely.

Her eyes narrow, and Poe is astounded by how much Finn takes after her. “I told you, just call me Mary,” she says.

Poe coughs. “Okay, Mary then,” he says.

She beams at him. “That’s more like it!”

-

“Then why did you leave me?” The girl says. Tears threaten to spill from her eyes, and Poe knows that he’s supposed to be sympathising with her in that moment, to focus on her pain, but his eyes are on Finn instead.

Finn crosses downstage and takes a seat by her, wrapping his arms carefully around her. “I didn’t know where to look,” he tilts her chin up. “I didn’t know what was in front of me all along,” he finishes quietly. Soft piano notes fall across the stage like raindrops. Finn speaks again, only this time it’s Finn’s voice that’s the wind and rain falling across the earth. The piano grows louder, and Finn matches it, soft as a sigh. Light shines from upstage, casting a soft golden glow around Finn’s head, and he looks out at the audience.

Everything else fades away. Finn’s whole face transforms, and his voice rings across the silent church. His face is everything that Poe sees, his voice everything that Poe hears, and the soft press of his hands and the curve of his cheek everything Poe wishes he could touch.

Poe isn’t sure when his lips part, isn’t sure how long his heart has been thudding in his chest, and he isn’t sure when he became a religious man. But what he is sure of is that when Finn looks out into the audience, their eyes meet, and that smile alone is enough to topple the heavens and bring him to his knees in rapture.

Oh he is so thoroughly, impossibly, bessotedly, screwed. 

-

Voices clatter atop each other, everything just as when Poe had entered the church for the first time. Only now, unlike when he had entered the first time, Poe is left feeling wobbly and with a coil in his stomach, tight and ready to spring. He’s talking with Finn’s mom, and Finn’s dad joins them a little while later, beaming at Poe and clapping him on the back. And Poe knows that he should be paying a little bit more attention to what they’re saying but his mind is turned instead towards Finn, and towards addressing the weight of his own realization.

There’s a tap on his shoulder. “Hey,” Finn says, breathless. He still has stage makeup smeared on his face as though he’s tried to scrub it off to little success, his glasses are on a little crooked, and his clothes are rumpled from being stored backstage, but he is the most beautiful person Poe has seen in his entire life.

“Hey,” Poe replies dumbly. “You did great.”

Finn ducks his head, and Poe has to stop the urge to duck his head and meet his lips. “Thanks,” he says.

“Oh you did amazing, sweetie!” Mary says, enveloping her son in a huge hug. Poe coughs, realizing that for a moment he had completely forgotten about them. “I’m so proud of you!” she presses a kiss on his head, and soon Luke joins in, hugging them both. Finn’s face is embarrassed, and Poe looks away to feel less awkward and less like he’s intruding at the family display.

“I don’t know about you all, but I’m famished. Poe, would you like to join us for dinner?” Luke asks, disentangling himself from his wife and son.

Poe shakes his head. “Oh no, it’s fine - my dad’s waiting for me, actually, and I wouldn’t want to intrude. Thank you, Mr. Skywalker.”

“Oh that’s too bad, please say hi to your dad for us,” Mary says, arms still around her son. “But you’re definitely going to stay for dinner some other time - Finn mentioned you love lasagna?”

“Yeah, thank you, I’d love that. That’s really kind Mrs. Skywa - Mary,” Poe quickly corrects after she shoots him another look.

She beams at him. “Perfect! Alright, so feel free to drop by anytime, you and Finn work out the details.”

Someone approaches and pulls both her and Luke into another conversation, leaving Finn and Poe alone.

Finn releases a breath. “Sorry,” he says. “They’re a bit much.”

“No, they’re great! I love them,” Poe replies, quick to dismiss Finn’s concerns. 

Finn smiles at him, and it’s like shooting an arrow straight through Poe’s heart. Finn fiddles with the backpack over his shoulder. “Um, I wasn’t sure if I should give you your gift now or later, so-” he brings it to his front, digs around with his brows furrowed. At last he pulls out a box wrapped in blue wrapping paper, Poe’s name written in familiar script at the top. “Here you go,” Finn says finally, handing it to him.

Poe swallows, feeling his heart hammer in his chest. He beams up at Finn as he takes the gift, their fingers brushing against each other. “Thanks, Finn,” he says.

“Yeah.” Finn doesn’t let go of the gift, and their fingers linger. Finn voice is soft. “Just uh, don’t open it until Christmas, alright?”

Poe bites his lip. “I won’t.” Finn nods, lets go of the gift. And Poe gets pulled back into reality, and he remembers his own gift, a small box he had left at home, and he realizes given the current context that it’s far too inadequate. He clears his throat, a thought coming to him. “I’m sorry I didn’t think to bring your gift with me,” he says, mind whirling as his thoughts form. He only has a couple of days to think this through, but- “But how about I drop by on Christmas Eve, and we can open them together?” he finishes. 

Finn beams at him. “Yeah,” he says, voice soft. “I’d like that.”

-

Finn slides into the passenger’s seat with a grin, wrapped up in a soft red sweater and the leather jacket Poe had given him several weeks ago. He tries not to dwell in that too much as he climbs in behind the wheel, starts the car. “So,” Finn says, pressing his hands into the vents to warm them. “You never told me where we’re going?”

Poe smiles to himself as they drive out into the street. “Okay so you know how I told you I can’t exactly wrap your gift in a box?” he says, turning the corner and heading towards the freeway.

“Uh huh,” Finn says slowly, tilting his head and looking like he’s trying to piece together a puzzle.

“Well,” Poe continues, unable to hide the grin that starts to form on his lips. “That’s because my gift to you is that we’re going to cross off four things from your bucket list.”

Finn’s whole face lights up, his lips parting in shock. “What?”

“Yeah,” he says, turning over to look at Finn. Finn’s practically glowing.

“You remembered?”

“I mean I did make a promise,” Poe replies, turning into the freeway. Then he falters. “Unless, of course, you’d rather do something else, which I mean we can do it’s not too late-”

“-Are you kidding?” Finn lightly shoves Poe’s arm. “Let’s go!”

-

Their first stop is street racing. The track is empty at this time, and Poe checked ahead to make sure that nobody would be racing tonight. He stops at the start of the line, placing the car in park. Then he reaches behind him to the backseat and shuffles through the box of stuff he had brought for the night. “Here,” he says, pulling out his old helmet and handing it to Finn. “Put this on.”

Finn shoots him an incredulous look. “Are you expecting us to crash, Dameron?” he teases.

Poe laughs and shakes his head. “No, but I also would rather be safe than sorry. Come on,” he says, jerking the helmet for emphasis. “Put it on.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Finn huffs, but he takes the helmet anyways. 

Once they’re both strapped in, Poe grins at him. “Hang on.”

They take off. The black camaro lurches forward and they’re pressed back into the seat. Poe reaches over, changing gears as he shifts and turns the wheel, dragging the car to the side. They’re pressed against the side of the car, tires squealing against the earth and Finn yells. The camaro roars as they go forward, driving round and round the track.

Finn is yelling, laughing, and the sound is infectious as it falls on Poe’s ears. Adrenaline pumps in his veins and he’s whooping and laughing with Finn as they race down the track, the camaro humming beneath him, around him and gliding just as smoothly as an extension of himself. He speeds up, turning sharply enough to press against the side again and it’s like the first time he went racing, only this is so much better. Poe approaches the end of the track and he twists the wheel until the camaro screeches to a stop.

Poe places the car back in park and he leans his head back against the seat, taking a breath. Then he looks at Finn, and Finn is grinning at him, and Poe can’t help but fall just a little bit more.

-

The next stop that night is about an hour’s drive out of town. All throughout the drive Finn’s been guessing what’s coming up next, but when Poe refused to give up the exact details conversation shifted to music as Finn grabbed hold of the aux cord and they sang along to the songs until their voices were hoarse.

Finn turns down the music as the car slows and parks on the side of the road. Finn looks at Poe sideways. “Poe, I’m pretty sure dying in the middle of the desert isn’t on my bucket list,” he jokes.

“No,” Poe replies. “But being in two places at once is.”

Finn frowns, his brows knitting together. “What?”

Poe gestures in front of them. Finn squints out into the darkness. A couple of yards ahead a sign that reads: “Welcome to Nevada!”

Finn looks over at him, and they run to get out of the car.

-

The water is freezing cold, and for a moment Poe deeply regrets his decision. But Finn’s face more than makes up for it as he jumps in after him. Poe looks away as the water splashes at him, sending another wave of cold washing over him. Finn comes up out of the water a moment later, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and shivering. “It’s so damn cold,” he says, bobbing over to where Poe floats in the water.

Poe grimaces, chasing after Finn’s body heat before it disappears in the water. “W-Why did you have to put this on your bucket list,” Poe asks, grimacing as his teeth start to chatter.

“I didn’t say to do it in the dead of winter!” Finn retaliates. But when he glares at Poe his look is fond. Poe feels the cold fade away, and he’s just there, with Finn in the water. Finn looks up at the stars, and his whole face opens up. “Look, we can see Perseus!” he says, raising a hand to point the constellation out.

Poe follows his gaze and smiles. The universe opens up to him as he looks up at the stars, the distance making him feel incredibly small. He never really paid attention to the stars before, but now, seeing the joy in Finn’s face, he can see why Finn loves them so much. He looks over at Finn, and the moonlight kisses his skin, making Finn glow blue in the water. Finn looks back down, catches Poe looking at him. They float closer and grab hold of each other’s hands so they don’t float away. And then Finn leans against Poe, and he looks back at the stars.

They have to get out soon afterwards, the water too cold to linger for long. Poe looks away as Finn steps out first, quickly wrapping himself in one of the towels Poe had brought. Finn turns away as well when Poe steps out, wiggling into his underwear and feeling like an uncoordinated fish as he races to wrap the towel around him to protect himself from the cold of the winter air. Their clothes are in piles over by a nearby rock and Poe changes quickly, facing away from Finn.

When he turns around Finn is also fully dressed minus the jacket, with one of the large blankets Poe had brought wrapped around him like a protective cocoon. Poe tries not to laugh at the sight, but Finn catches him and rolls his eyes. “Shut up, Poe,” he says.

“I didn’t even say anything!”

They walk back to the car parked up ahead by the trees, and as they get near Finn turns and looks at him with a playful expression. “Race you?”

Poe laughs. “You’re serious?”

“I’m cold, Poe!”

Poe grins wickedly. “You’re on.”

Finn takes off first, getting a two second head start. Poe chases after him, balancing as best as he can with the blanket wrapped around him. Finn’s laugh rings loudly in the cool night air and Poe is only able to close the distance because Finn is breathless with laughter. Finn still reaches the car first, leaning against it for support as he’s overcome with laughter. Poe collapses next to him a moment later, drunk with joy.

Poe has to fumble with the key for about five minutes before he can finally open the car door, and three of those minutes are spent just laughing at the sight of Finn wrapped up in blankets like a caterpillar. Finn glares at him only until they get inside and Poe pulls out the picnic basket he had prepared, armed with tortas and brownies and soda - and most importantly, hand warmers. Thankfully enough time passed that the soda had calmed down from their previous race down the track, and they sit in the front seat wrapped up in blankets and in each other’s conversation.

“This is probably the best Christmas ever,” Finn says, leaning back against the seat with a satisfied sigh.

Poe’s eyebrows rise. “Probably?” he teases, twisting in his seat to face Finn. 

Finn presses a hand warmer on his face. “Well, there was that game boy I got when I was seven-”

“Shut up!” Poe shoves at him playfully.

Finn laughs and Poe doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of hearing that sound. “No, seriously though - this is the best Christmas present anyone’s ever given me.” He tilts his head back against the seat. “Thank you, Poe.”

Poe’s face grows warm. “Anytime.”

Their eyes meet, and this time Finn is the one that looks away. “Hey,” he says, looking at the dashboard clock. “It’s almost midnight.”

Poe follows his gaze. The clock reads 11:48. “Perfect - here, hold this,” he hands his soda over to Finn before reaching into the backseat. “There’s one more thing you’ve gotta cross off your bucket list,” he says, moving the blanket and a couple of hand warmers out of the way. If only he could find the damn thing.

Finn’s brows furrow. “Which one?”

Poe huffs triumphantly and leans back into his seat, holding up two temporary tattoo sheets for Finn to see. “Figured there’s less of a chance your parents will kill me with this kind of tattoo,” Poe jokes at the look on Finn’s face. He flips the sheets over to look at their options. “Which do you want? We’ve got stars, a skull, some flowers, a butterfly . . . ?”

Finn shrugs, wrapping his blanket more securely around his shoulders. “You pick.”

Poe pauses. He glances up and sees Finn’s unwavering gaze, the soft smile on his face. He swallows, averting his eyes back down to survey the sheets. “Okay.” It’s an easy decision. The sheet is easy enough to tear around the tattoo he chose, but he’s careful regardless. He looks up at Finn with a smile. “Where do you want it?”

Finn considers him for a moment and then looks down at himself. Then he lowers the blanket around his shoulders to reveal the soft red sweater beneath. Slowly, he slides his arm out of the sweater and exposes his shoulder to the cool night air. He looks up at Poe from beneath his lashes and places his finger on a spot near the curve of his shoulder. “Here,” he whispers.

Poe swallows. “Okay.” Poe leans over, letting his own blanket slide off him as he crosses the distance between them. The paper is waxy between his fingers as he presses it to the spot Finn had chosen, taking the corner of one of their discarded towels to transfer the image. Their heads lean into each other as they both look at the spot, hair brushing against each other. At this distance, Poe can feel Finn’s body heat, and he wonders if Finn can hear his heart racing in his chest, can sense the way his stomach flutters at the small distance between them. Finn glances up, and Poe quickly averts his gaze. “I think that should be it,” Poe whispers.

Carefully, he pulls the paper away, leaving a brilliant yellow sunflower on Finn’s shoulder. Finn looks over the image and smiles, looking up at Poe. “Why did you pick the sunflower?” he asks curiously.

Poe swallows. His voice is soft when he replies, honest in its simplicity. “Because you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

Finn’s face transforms, shifting between disbelief and something else that Poe can’t name. “Well - don’t go falling in love with me,” Finn says, his voice light and teasing.

Poe’s voice is quiet. “I think it’s a little late for that.”

Their eyes meet. An eternity passes between them, and Poe feels the tension in his stomach coil tighter and tighter and he can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t look away - Finn leans over, and his lips are soft against Poe’s. Poe sucks in a breath, and everything falls back into motion. He raises a hand to cup Finn’s face, the other resting against his waist and he’s finally, finally holding him, tracing his soft skin as their lips slide together, softly, tentatively, just a little desperately. Finn’s hands slide into Poe’s hair and he groans, tilting his head. Their lips taste of chocolate and sugar, and they melt into each other as easily and seamlessly as a puzzle piece falling into place. On the dashboard, the clock ticks to 12:00. 

The drive back to town is the shortest hour of Poe’s life. The night is quiet, and soft music plays on the stereo as they cruise down the highway, fingers linked between them. Finally, they reach Finn’s house, and Finn leans over, presses a kiss to Poe’s lips that turns into two, and then three. “Meet me under my balcony,” Finn whispers on his lips. And like a loyal worshipper, he does. 

Parking his car down the street is one task. Sneaking through the trees to Finn’s backyard is another, and climbing up the side of the house to Finn’s balcony is still another. But he would do it all again for the look on Finn’s face as Poe climbs through the window, the taste of his lips and the press of his hands. “We have to be quiet,” Finn mutters, leading Poe to bed.

“I know,” Poe replies, sliding their lips together again. They settle themselves under the covers and trade soft kisses and quiet whispers long into the night.

-

The sky is still dark when Poe wakes. He sees the stars first, the light of the moon fluttering through the open curtains. He follows the light until it lands on Finn, curled up and asleep in his arms. Poe settles back into the mattress, smiling. He runs his fingers up and down Finn’s waist, just a feather’s touch. The morning is almost here, and he knows that he can’t linger for too much longer. With a regretful sigh, Poe presses a kiss to Finn’s shoulder, just above the spot with the sunflower tattoo.

“Finn,” Poe whispers against his skin, sliding his lips up to Finn’s cheek, his ear. “Finn.”

“Hmm?” Finn stirs in his sleep, tries to burrow closer into Poe’s warmth.

Poe smiles, heart fluttering in his chest. “Finn,” he whispers again, shaking him gently.

Finn groans lowly and rouses, eyelids heavy as he blinks away the sleep. Poe watches as Finn’s eyes flutter open, his brows furrowed as he stares at Poe. Then all at once his face blooms into a smile. “Hey,” Finn whispers. His voice is slow and deep with sleep.

“Hey,” Poe says, rubbing his thumb in a circle on Finn’s side.

Finn leans forward and their lips meet again, a soft press as Finn’s fingers brush against Poe’s jaw. Finn’s smile is bashful as he pulls away. His eyes flutter over Poe’s face.

Poe sighs. “I need to get back before your folks wake up,” he mutters.

Finn closes his eyes and shoves his face into the pillow. Then he looks up, a curious look on his face. “Stay a bit longer,” he says. Their faces are only a breath apart.

“Just a little longer,” Poe promises. He crosses the distance between them, rolling them until he’s hovering just above Finn, pressing soft kisses on Finn’s lips. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be tired of doing that, of feeling the little shivers and hearing the soft moans, of running his hands on Finn’s skin, of feeling Finn’s fingers in his hair.

He lingers until he can’t anymore, pressing the most amount of kisses he can against Finn’s lips until he’s over the balcony and heading to his car a couple of streets down.

Poe gets home just as dawn starts to break over the horizon, a small sliver of light painting the sky pink and purple. He’s careful to be as quiet as possible, sliding off his shoes and slowly closing his door behind him. Poe creeps forward, stepping around the creaky floorboards and praying BB8 doesn’t wake up. The stairs are just a handful of steps away.

“Good morning.”

Poe freezes. Then with a silent curse to the heavens, he turns towards the kitchen. His father leans against the doorframe, mug of coffee in his hand and bathrobe wrapped around him. Poe swallows, dread coiling in his stomach. Kes levels his son with a firm stare. “I know where you were and I’m not mad,” he begins, voice cool and level. “I’d just like some warning next time.”

Poe swallows. “Yeah. Sorry, Dad.”

Kes nods at him and takes another sip of his coffee. Poe breathes a sigh of relief, shoulders relaxing. Kes grins at him through the top of his mug. “Go get him, Romeo,” he teases.

Poe’s face burns with the force of a thousand suns and it continues to burn the whole walk up to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in the first note, Part 1 can be read alone. **If you do not want heavy angst or you want a break before the angst, Do Not Pass Go, do not collect $200, and do not cross on to Part 2.**
> 
> For those of y’all who have decided to end the fic here, I love y’all and respect that decision! Angst isn’t for everyone and a High School AU that doesn’t fetishize both of them is pretty damn rare in this fandom. Thank y’all for reading, and as always feel free to leave kudos, comments, and criticism below!


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angst angst angst angst. I fucked myself up writing this so I’m sorry.

Christmas bleeds into New Years, and Spring brings a flurry of flowers.

“Hey!” Snap says across the hall, enveloping Poe into a huge hug. “Haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Yeah, it’s good to see you buddy!” Poe says, returning the hug.

“Poe!”

Poe turns and almost gets toppled over by the force of Zoe’s hug. Karé is quick behind her, enveloping Poe in a hug as soon as her girlfriend is through.

“You missed a couple of great races,” Zoe says, wrapping her arm with Karé’s once again. “How’d you spend your break?”

“Oh you know,” Poe shrugs, avoiding their eyes. “Just hanging out.”

Karé’s lips curve into a smirk. “Mmhmm,” she hums knowingly.

Snap and Zoe are quick to catch on. “I never thought you were gonna make a move!” Snap says proudly, grinning at him.

Poe’s face warms. His quick retort dies on his lips as someone comes up behind him and links their hands together. “Hey!” Finn says, grinning at them. “How was everyone’s breaks?”

Karé is quick to change the subject, though Poe can feel all of their eyes fall on his linked hands and he knows he’s going to get so much grief for that later. For now though, he looks at Finn and his face splits into a dopey grin.

-

The library is emptier than usual at this hour, most of the students choosing to go outside and enjoy the spring sunshine rather than stay huddled in the library. Even the librarian has decided to take a break, allowing Finn and Poe to talk more freely in their corner of the library. “What should I get my mom for mother’s day?” Finn asks, twirling his pen in his hands. He leans back in his chair far enough that it tilts, face twisted in a pensive frown.

Poe looks up from the math problem he was working on, slow to process Finn’s question. “I dunno,” he says at last. “Maybe some flowers? What does she like?”

“She likes the piano,” Finn muses. “But she can practice all she wants at home, and it’s not like I could just buy a CD.”

Poe shrugs, turning back to the math homework in front of him. “I dunno, I haven’t bought a mother’s day gift in a while,” he says nonchalantly.

Finn hums. Poe can feel Finn’s gaze turn to him, doesn’t even need to look up to know that Finn has that thoughtful look on his face, the kind where all of his emotions are written plainly in his features as soon as he thinks a thought and it’s so fast it’s all but impossible to keep track of it all. The chair settles back down on the carpet with a soft thunk. “Why don’t you ever talk about your mom?” Finn asks quietly.

Poe’s whole body freezes. Remnants of years-old grief coils in his stomach, slow and heavy. Poe busies his hands, carefully working on the math problem before him. “She died when I was ten years old,” he says simply.

He hasn’t spoken the words aloud for years. The grief which used to be so sharp and strong has since dulled with age, a realization he hadn’t quite processed until that moment. “She had breast cancer, didn’t even recognize it for what it was until it was too late.” Only just because the ache has dulled doesn’t mean that it can’t hurt anymore. Grief’s coil tightens, just marginally. Just enough for Poe to know it’s there, waiting to ache. 

Silence stretches between them, soft and understanding.

“What was she like?”

Poe swallows. He knows that if he wanted to, he could end the conversation there, avoid the ache. But he continues, his words falling one right after the other like a lake that hadn’t realized it was part of a river until the dam opened. “She was warm,” he begins. “She was a pilot in Guatemala before she immigrated to the US and met my dad, and she’s the one who first taught me about engines and mechanics.” The memory of his mom tugs at him, wanting him to remember her smile, her words - before the hospital took her from them and he and his father were left to pick up the pieces. “Dad always cooked because she couldn’t cook very well, but she was funny, and she would tell me stories about how she grew up before I went to bed at night.” The more he talks about her, the more he remembers, and the more he realizes how much he still has yet to know. Poe sets his pen down.

Finn reaches across the table and takes Poe’s hand in his. “She sounds like she was a good mom,” he says quietly.

Poe swallows. “Yeah. She was.”

“Do you miss her?”

“All the time.” Shame settles over him at the words, and he bows his head, swallowing. “I haven’t - I haven’t visited her since the funeral,” he admits, the words bitter in his mouth. He gives a wry smile. “I’ve wanted to, I just - couldn’t do it.” Tears sting his eyes, and he draws a breath. 

Finn squeezes his hand. “You’ll visit when you’re ready,” Finn says, so simply that Poe can’t help but believe him.

Poe looks up and meets Finn’s eyes. It’s as though a weight has been taken off his shoulders, and his soul feels open, raw, and all he can feel is relief. “I’ve never told someone that before,” he whispers.

A million emotions flicker across Finn’s face, too fast for Poe to read. At last, it settles on something that Poe can’t explain, can only feel its warmth spread through him. Poe runs his thumb over Finn’s knuckles and he turns back to his work, feeling ten times lighter than before. 

-

“Prom season’s coming up,” Poe says one night, staring down at his dinner plate. Forks can really make some interesting patterns if you have enough time and enough fried beans to spare.

“It is,” Kes notes. His eyes remain on his food as he cuts up the meat Poe had cooked earlier. 

Poe clears his throat. He really isn’t gonna make it easy for him, is he? “Would you uh - would you do me a favor?” 

At that, Kes sets down his knife and fork, curiosity coloring his features. “Sure,” he says carefully. “What is it?”

Poe’s face burns red, and he swallows. “Would you teach me how to slow dance?”

-

Night falls early that night. Poe parks carefully in front of Finn’s house. Then he blows a breath, trying to still the nerves in his chest. Poe glances in the front mirror, adjusting a lock of hair. He spent hours in front of the mirror at home, even used his nice hair gel for the occasion, but still he’s nervous. Poe shuts his eyes, takes another breath. Then he opens the car door and he heads to Finn’s front doorstep.

Mary greets him at the door, her smile warm. “Hi Poe, come in!” Poe smiles and steps inside.

As soon as he steps in, Poe in enveloped with the scent of cookies and something sweet from the kitchen. “Let me go and grab him,” Mary says, going to the stairs. “Finn!” Poe hears her call out. “Poe’s here!”

Poe busies himself looking at the pictures on the wall. Finn is in practically all of them, smiling bright with his mom and dad at his side. Poe smiles, and as he looks around he’s exceedingly reminded of when he was a kid, and he’s reminded of his mom. He wills the image away, decides not to dwell on that now.

Luke appears from the kitchen, flour on his face. He beams at Poe. “Hey there Poe!”

“Hi Luke,” Poe says, stepping away from the pictures. 

“You boys are going to dinner before prom, right?” Luke asks.

“Yeah,” He wills away the urge to wipe away any imaginary wrinkles from his shirt. “We’ll be with a group at the dance, I’ll be driving, there’s not going to be any drinking, and I promise to have Finn home by 10.”

Luke waves his hand. “Don’t worry about curfew, you boys have fun!” he says.

Poe beams at him. “Alright, thanks Luke,” he says.

“He’s ready,” Mary says, drawing their attention to the stairs.

Finn steps out, and time stops. He chose a dark purple suit instead of the traditional black, the same color as Poe’s tie. He descends quickly down the stairs, beaming at him. “Hey,” Poe says, unable to come up with anything more clever. 

Finn’s nose wrinkles amusedly. “Hey.”

“Oh you both look so adorable!” Mary says, pulling out her phone. “Let me take a picture-” 

“Mom,” Finn groans, ducking his head in embarrassment.

“Honey, it’s your prom,” Luke says, pulling out his own phone. “Smile!”

Poe smiles at the display, posing with Finn as Luke and Mary hover around them excitedly, taking a million and one pictures until his teeth ache from smiling.

“Okay - okay we’re going to be late to dinner,” Finn says, grabbing hold of his dad’s hands before she can take another picture. “I love you both,” he says, hugging each of his parents in turn.

“You come here too, Poe,” Mary says, pulling him into an embrace right after her son. She squeezes him tight. “You two have fun okay?” She holds Poe fast by the shoulders, her smile faltering for a moment and replaced with worry. “You call us if there’s anything wrong, if somebody isn’t feeling okay - anything. Okay?”

Poe swallows at the seriousness in her tone, nodding quickly. “Yeah, of course,” he says, promising her.

Mary pulls him into another hug and the moment is gone. With that, they bid goodbye and head out to the car. Poe blows a breath. “That was intense,” he says with a laugh.

“Yeah,” Finn replies sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Poe says as they climb in. “I um,” he mumbles, pulling out a box from behind the seat. “I didn’t know you’d want one or if you’d like it - which, you don’t have to like it I mean it’s kind of dumb and old fashioned but-” Poe forces his mouth shut, painfully aware of his own babbling. He clears his throat, face warm. “I got you this,” he says, handing the box to Finn.

Inside the box is a corsage, the delicate white and purple flowers glowing beneath the moonlight. Finn looks up at Poe, and his face is split in a wide smile. “You’re a dork,” he says fondly.

Poe’s whole face burns a brilliant red. “Well, I mean - yeah.” His eyes flicker between the box and Finn’s face, and he bites his bottom lip. “But does that mean you hate it?”

Finn smiles at him, and pulls him into a soft kiss.

-

The aquarium is bathed in pulsating purple and blue lights, the wall-length tank of fish glowing in the background. Music pumps loudly across the speakers, and the DJ in the corner has a request line a mile long. Students are piled on the dance floor, some in pairs and others solo, glowing purple beneath the light. Karé and Zoe are among them, faces lit up and arms wrapped around each other as they dance to the beat.

Poe stands off to the sidelines, sipping his punch methodically. “Where did your date go?” he asks.

Snap points over to the dance floor at a group of girls circled around each other protectively. “She’s having fun with her friends right now,” Snap says over the din of the music. “What about yours?”

Poe shrugs. “I dunno, he said he went to the bathroom but that was a while ago.” He looks off down the hall to the rest of the aquarium. The whole aquarium is open technically for their prom, but most of the students decided to stay close to the dance floor after looking at the fish earlier in the evening. Finn and Poe went earlier too, but - “I’m gonna go look for him,” he says, downing the rest of his drink.

“Good luck, loverboy,” Snap teases.

“Shut up,” Poe replies good naturedly.

The path to the rest of the aquarium is all but empty, just a couple of small groups huddled here and there. Poe looks around, trying to catch sight of Finn. A turtle swims past his head and off to the water below. Poe turns a corner and goes down the slope into the deeper sea level. The music falls away, nothing more than a distant hum. He finds Finn at the dome, looking up at the jellyfish.

“There you are,” Poe says softly. Finn turns away from the display and beams at him. His face looks hollow, and Poe’s brows knit in concern. “Hey,” he says, gently grabbing Finn’s elbow. “Are you okay?”

Finn nods, “Yeah - yeah,” he says, waving a hand dismissively. “Just got a little tired is all.”

Poe is hesitant. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” Finn presses a quick kiss to Poe’s lips. “I promise.”

The jellyfish swim in their tank, casting them in a soft purple glow. He lets the topic go. “Do you wanna dance?” he asks instead, biting his lower lip.

“Poe,” Finn says amusedly. “There isn’t any music.”

Thinking quickly, Poe pulls out his phone, putting on the playlist he’s been practicing on. Poe clears his throat as the music begins to play, soft piano floating out of the speakers around them. He sets the phone down on the ground and straightens, offering Finn his hand. “Now,” he says quietly. “Do you wanna dance?”

Finn smiles at him and takes his hand. Heart hammering in his chest, Poe places his hand on Finn’s hip and guides him across the floor. The jellyfish swim around them, casting soft ripples of water over Finn’s features. Carefully, he leads Finn in a spin, and Finn’s eyes light up as they come back together. Poe swallows. “I wanted to tell you earlier,” he says softly, slowing their movements. “You look beautiful tonight.”

Finn’s face flickers in embarrassment, and their gazes meet. Finn’s eyes are spellbinding, drawing Poe close into their depths. “Thank you,” Finn whispers.

“You’re welcome.”

Finn rests his head on Poe’s chest, and they sway long into the night.

-

Final exams approach quickly as the school year draws closer and closer to a close.

Textbooks lie spread out across the bedroom floor, some open and others not. Poe sits in the middle of it all, twirling a pen in his hand. Finn sits in a criss cross on top of the bed, staring down at a book and muttering to himself. He’s wearing his glasses instead of his usual contacts today, and he uses one hand to push them up the bridge of his nose. His other hand lies behind BB8’s ears, scratching absentmindedly. The sun’s rays filter through the window beside him, casting a soft warm light around his head. Poe smiles at the sight, quickly pulling out his phone to snap a picture. 

The sound of the camera draws Finn’s attention, head rising from where it was buried in the book. His face transforms from confusion to embarrassment and settles on amusement. “What’re you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Poe answers with a lopsided grin.

Finn smiles and ducks his head. BB8 whimpers lazily, pushing his head against Finn’s hand so he could continue scratching. Finn chuckles. “You really are insatiable, aren’t you?” he says, putting down his book and starting the scratches anew. BB8 wags their tail in response. He looks over at Poe, face exhausted. “I really don’t feel like studying anymore,” he says, casting a withering look at his discarded textbook.

“Yeah, me too.” Poe tosses his notebook and pen aside, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes. “Why they make us take these exams two weeks before graduation is something I’ll never know,” he says tiredly. He rises from his position on the floor and raises his hands above his head. Loud cracks pop all along his back and he groans, Finn shooting him a sympathetic look. Poe abandons his work and tiptoes carefully across the floor and towards the edge of the bed, joining Finn in petting BB8. The small corgi lolls their tongue out and pants happily at the increased attention. “What do you wanna do after graduation?”

Finn considers for a moment. “I think I want to be a veterinarian,” he says, rubbing BB8 more enthusiastically. BB8 barks in encouragement. “Get my degree, set up a practice.” He smiles softly. “What about you? What do you want to do?” Finn asks, peering at him curiously.

Poe considers for a moment. “Honestly, I’m not all that sure. For a while I thought about being a mechanic, like Mr. Gonzalez, or a pilot, like my mom.”

“You don’t wanna be a banker like your dad?”

“I dunno. I know that I want to go to college, but after that?” Poe shrugs. “I really don’t know.” He blows a breath, feeling the weight of the world settling around him, honesty pulled out of him. “I feel like. If I don’t figure it out then I’ll be letting him down.”

Finn links their fingers together. “We can figure it out.” he says simply, and looking at his eyes Poe starts to believe it too.

-

Graduation day comes. And as Finn and Poe throw up their graduation caps, Poe pulls Finn into a kiss and it’s like there’s nothing else left in the world. 

-

The day is warm, the sun shining brightly over them. Finn and Poe manage to find some shade beneath a tree, the bark hard against Poe’s back and the grass soft beneath their legs. Finn lays back against Poe’s chest, Poe’s arm wrapped around his waist and their fingers entwined on Finn’s lap. They look over at the rest of their friends still playing soccer on the field, Finn having gotten too tired to continue after the first couple of goals. Slip and Zoe have somehow become best friends, giving Poe knowing looks as he followed his boyfriend off the field. A breeze flutters past them, cooling Poe’s warm skin.

“What kind of stuff did you want to grow up to do when you were little?” Finn asks, his voice soft as he breaks the comfortable silence that had settled around them.

Poe hums. “You mean like the stuff on your bucket list?”

“Yeah,” Finn replies.

Poe looks on at the field and considers. “I wasn’t really the kind of kid to plan things in advance. That’s more of your thing,” Poe says, pressing a kiss to Finn’s shoulder.

He can hear Finn’s smile. “There’s nothing wrong with making plans,” Finn says.

“Never said there was,” Poe quickly replies, pressing a kiss to Finn’s neck. “I bet you were the kid who sat down and planned everything out, wedding and all,” Poe half-jokes.

Finn ducks his head. “I mean,” he trails, face growing warm. “You’re not wrong,” he admits.

Poe laughs. Finn settles back into Poe’s chest. A moment passes between them.

“I think I want a big wedding,” Finn says, his voice soft.

Poe’s heart thuds. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Finn echoes. “It doesn’t have to be too fancy. I just want to walk down the aisle and look at all my friends and family and share how happy I am.”

As Poe looks up at the sky, at the sunlight fluttering through the leaves, he can imagine it. Finn standing there in a tux, his smile brighter than a million suns. Warmth spreads through him, as softly and easily as a caress, and he smiles. “And your mom can play the piano as you walk in,” he whispers onto Finn’s shoulder.

“Yeah.” Poe doesn’t need to look at Finn’s face to know that he’s smiling. “And there’s sunflowers everywhere,” Finn adds. 

Poe swallows and runs his thumb over Finn’s fingers. “That sounds beautiful.”

Finn turns his head to look up at him and offers a shy smile. “Yeah?” he whispers.

Poe nods and draws Finn closer for a soft kiss. 

The other’s whistles and jeers break them apart. “C’mon, you lovebirds ready to play?” Karé asks, kicking the ball towards them.

Finn pulls away and grins at them. “You’re on, Karé.” He rises, grabbing the ball as he does. His knees buckle for a moment and Poe grabs hold of Finn’s elbow to stabilize him.

“Hey, you okay?” Poe asks, brows furrowing as he peers at Finn’s face.

A couple beads of sweat appear on Finn’s forehead and his face pinches in discomfort. “Yeah,” Finn says, waving off Poe’s concerned gaze with a smile. “Leg fell asleep, that’s all.”

Poe frowns. “Are you sure-”

“Yep.” Finn kicks the ball and jogs into the sun with their friends. Poe has no other choice but to follow. 

-

Poe leans against the couch at Snap’s place, staring down at his phone. Snap and Karé are fighting over the movie selection, and Zoe went to grab everyone drinks from the kitchen. Finn’s message stares back up at Poe, a quick exchange sent just an hour ago.

Poe: Hey are you ready to head over to Slip’s place?

Finn: Sorry, I can’t tonight - I’ve got a bad migraine.

Poe: Do you want me to bring anything over? Some ibuprofen?

Finn: No thanks I’m good. Have fun!

At first glance, the exchange is just as normal. But something is nagging at him, insisting that something’s different. Poe can’t quite put his finger on it, so instead he stares back at the message exchange, brows furrowed.

“Hey, loverboy!” Zoe says, snapping Poe out of his thoughts. She settles on the couch next to him, a soda in one hand and huge bowl of popcorn in the other. “You good?” she asks, settling into the cushions.

“Yeah,” Poe says, putting his phone back in his pocket. “Sorry, just a little distracted.”

Zoe nods and lets the moment go. “I’d say so, you let them pick this trash!” Zoe says, pointing dejectedly at the screen.

Snap groans. “Zoe, choosing bad movies is literally the _point._ ”

“Ok but like _good_ bad movies, not gore bad movies,” Zoe counters.

Poe joins their bickering and puts his worry out of his mind, grabbing a handful of popcorn as he does. 

-

The sun sets a checkered purple, the cool breeze fluttering past the curtains of Poe’s room. Finn’s wrapped up under the covers, changed already into a t-shirt and sweatpants. He looks up as Poe enters the room and beams at him. “Hey.”

Poe answers Finn’s smile with his own. “Hey,” he greets, climbing on top of the bed and crawling forward until he’s kissing Finn, lips meeting softly. One kiss turns to two, and two to three until they land back against Poe’s pillows, a laugh escaping Finn’s lips.

“I could get used to that,” Finn hums as Poe pulls away, a curl brushing against his forehead

Poe smiles and rolls over to the side, using one hand to prop himself up. “You feeling better?” he asks, resting his other hand on Finn’s hip.

Finn looks away. “Yeah - sorry, I guess I just got dizzy or something,” he says.

Poe’s heart sinks. He swallows. A pause stretches between them, long and unforgiving. “Finn,” Poe says, a coil of tension curling in his gut. “Please talk to me.”

Finn laughs hollowly. “What do you mean? I am talking to you.”

Poe gently squeezes Finn’s hip. “Finn,” he tries again. Finn looks up slowly, his gaze more tired than Poe’s ever seen it. Poe swallows. Briefly, he considers letting the issue go. But he remembers the way that Finn’s been distant lately, and the dinner they made together just that evening, the food that Finn had barely touched. The coil in his stomach tightens just a little more. “Finn,” he tries again. “Please. Just tell me what’s wrong, my dove.”

Finn’s lips part, and Poe catches his breath. Their gazes meet and Poe can see the gears turning in Finn’s head, can read the tension in Finn’s brows and he knows that something’s wrong, he just wishes he knew what. Silence stretches between them, and the coil tightens enough that he can barely breathe. He pulls his hand away from Finn’s hip, putting some distance between them. “Is it - is it about us, did I do something wrong or do you want to stop seeing me or-”

Finn’s eyes snap back to Poe’s and he raises a hand to Poe’s face, holds it there. “No,” he says firmly, pulling Poe closer until he can press a kiss to his lips. “I promise that’s not it.”

Poe releases a breath, and the coil relaxes its hold just marginally. He reaches up, grabbing hold of Finn’s hand on his face and pressing a kiss onto Finn’s palm. “Then what?” he asks, looking at Finn again. “Please, just tell me what’s wrong. Whatever it is, I promise we can fix it together.”

Finn swallows and Poe can see the tears that start to form in his eyes. “Poe,” Finn begins, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t something you can fix.” Finn takes a breath. “I have leukemia.”

The coil snaps, and the world tilts. A pause stretches between them and Poe can’t move, can’t breathe. There’s a ringing in his ears, sharp and stinging. Finn’s voice is distant, tugging at him like a boat being pulled to shore. It’s happening again. The world falls, and Poe takes a breath. Time starts again.

“I should’ve told you,” Finn says, and he’s sitting now, clutching Poe’s hands, and Poe’s sitting too - when did that happen? Finn’s voice trembles. “I was doing okay these past couple of months - I was in remission, and the doctors were hopeful that all of it was gone but - but it came back and-” his hands are shaking, and his eyes brim with unshed tears. “The treatment’s stopped working.”

Poe’s chest is hollow. He feels like he’s been kicked in the gut. Poe’s mind swirls in a panic, and he thinks back of all of their time together, of sleeping with Finn in his arms, and them street racing, and all of those moments where Poe bared his soul to Finn and yet this - this - “Finn,” Poe says at last, voice quiet. “Finn, I - we’ve been together for _months,_ I - I know your parents, they talk to me on a regular basis and you know everything about me, _everything_ so why did you - why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought I was doing okay,” Finn says, gripping Poe’s slack hands like a lifeline. “And nobody knew except my parents because I - I couldn’t stand the thought of people looking at me like a charity case, I couldn’t stand you looking at me like I’m going to wilt away and-” he takes a shuddering breath, and tears spill down his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

Poe’s heart breaks. He reaches up to cup Finn’s face, wiping the tears away with his thumb. Finn reaches up to grab Poe’s hand, and his eyes bore into Poe’s own, cutting right through him and into his soul, searching for something. Then he leans forward, catching Poe’s lips in a chaste kiss. They linger there, the kiss salty with their tears. Poe wraps Finn in his arms, pressing their bodies close - close enough that Poe can feel Finn’s heartbeat. He takes a shuddering breath. Finn is here. Finn is here, and he’s firm and real and alive. “Don’t apologize,” Poe says, pressing his face to Finn’s shoulder just as he feels Finn do the same. “What matters is that we’ll make it through this.”

Finn clutches at him. One of them is shaking. Maybe it’s both of them. “You promise?” Finn asks, just loud enough to be a whisper.

Poe swallows. “I promise you, we’ll make it through this.”

Somehow they find some sleep that night, clutching at each other so tight it hurts. As Finn goes slack with sleep, Poe stares up at the ceiling. His mind swirls, and he plans. He counts Finn’s breaths, and he doesn’t stop until the sun comes up and exhaustion takes him too.

-

Finn is admitted to the hospital a week later. Poe visits him every day.

-

The oil is slick on his fingers and sweat beads across his forehead. Even with the elevated platform, the space beneath the car is cramped, and he curses himself for not having brought over an extra light before he got started. Poe grunts, swiping the sweat away before it crawls into his eyes.

“Is this gonna take much longer?” a voice says, disrupting his concentration.

Poe blows a breath, sliding out from beneath the car to squint up at the summer light. The owner of the car, a blond man with a chin that bleeds into his neck, stares impatiently at him. “I’m sorry Mr. Devlin,” Poe says, careful to keep his voice level. “But this isn’t exactly a fix that takes 20 minutes. I’m gonna need at least an hour, maybe two to repair the damage.”

Mr. Devlin sniffs indignantly. “Hey!” he calls out to the rest of the shop, extending his arms out to his sides. “Can I get a real mechanic working on my car instead of some kid!”

Poe’s shackles raise. “I promise you-”

“What seems to be the problem?” Mr. Gonzalez says, approaching the two.

The white man places his hands on his hips. “Well, I’m glad to see an adult around. This kid-” he jerks his head towards Poe, “Tells me I have to wait _two hours_ for my car.”

Mr. Gonzalez hums. “Well sir, how about you come with me for a bit,” he says, leading the man over to his office at the other end of the garage, away from Poe and the rest of the cars.

Poe mutters under his breath and leans back against the car, using a rag to wipe the oil from his fingers and hands. Cool air blows from the fans on the corners of the garage, bringing him some kind relief from the summer heat.

Mr. Gonzalez approaches him some minutes later, offering a cool drink. Poe takes the water with a quiet thanks. The autoshop teacher sits down next to him on the garage floor, running his hands down the front of his uniform, identical to Poe’s save for the nametag. “Pinches güeros,” he mutters, taking a swig from his drink.

Poe huffs a laugh. “Delicados y mensos aparte,” he adds.

Mr. Gonzalez chuckles. They look out at the rest of the garage, the business Mr. Gonzalez owns and works at on the weekends and during summer breaks. A lot of the kids who take his auto shop class also end up working in the garage at some point, either as a first job or as a career. Poe’s worked a couple of summers there for a handful of hours to get some extra cash, but this is the first time that he asked for a full job. He didn’t think that there’d be space for him, but thankfully there was.

Mr. Gonzalez takes a breath. “You doing good, Poe?”

Poe takes a sip from his drink. “Yeah,” he lies.

“Poe,” Mr. Gonzalez sighs, “You’re working yourself to the bone, picking up other people’s shifts on top of yours. I’m not saying this to not pay you, I mean you do great work but I’m worried. Your dad’s getting worried too.”

“I’m fine,” Poe says more firmly. He sets the water bottle aside, half empty. “Thanks for the drink, but I gotta get back to fixing this car.” With that he slides back under the car, busying himself until Mr. Gonzalez sighs and leaves him alone, and there’s nothing else but him and the oil and the car parts in his hands.

-

The hospital stands defiantly against the summer heat, unnaturally erect where things are supposed to bow and crumble. Monitors beep incessantly and the smell of disinfectant reeks from every crevice until Poe’s nose itches and his eyes nearly go blind from staring at the stark white walls and sharp fluorescent light. Time passes slowly here, a pathetic crawl to a final destination no one likes to linger on for too long.

Poe hates hospitals.

Finn’s hospital room identical to all the other rooms in the damn building, brightened only by the flowers that cover all corners of the room, gifts from friends and family and members of the church. Finn sits in the hospital bed, hooked up to an IV and with a grin on his face. As he speaks, his face shines brighter than all of the flowers in the room. If Poe doesn’t focus too much on the little hollow on Finn’s cheeks, he can forget for a moment where they are. 

“So this kid’s like 8, he’s being an asshole right?” Finn continues, sitting up in his hospital bed. “Shoves my friend Rey off the swings. Now I’m like eight inches tall, this kid is a giant in comparison to me, but I still try and shove him because I was a dumb punk. That doesn’t work. So the kid laughs, and he says something like ‘you need to get on my level before you can try and fight me,’” his hands are animated as he tells the story, and he makes a face as he imitates the eight-year-old’s voice.

“And what did you do?” Poe asks, resting his chin against his hand as he looks up at Finn.

“The only thing I could do,” Finn says gravely. “I climbed on top of the slide and told him, ‘I have the higher ground.’”

Poe laughs into his chest. “That’s so dumb,” he says, looking back at Finn.

“I mean,” Finn says, looking sheepish and about to laugh himself. “Yeah it really was.”

“Okay, but I’ve got something dumber though,” Poe says, reaching over to grab hold of Finn’s hand. His thumb traces over Finn’s fingers.

Finn’s brows raise. “Oh really? Like what?”

They trade stories long into the evening until the nurse comes by and wheels Finn off for another treatment. They exchange a quick kiss before Finn goes, lips lingering until the nurse coughs politely and they have to part. Finn shoots him a smile before he’s taken out of the room and Poe sighs, leaning back in the chair they put up for him. He glances at the clock on the wall and realizes the late hour. He got off his shift with Mr. Gonzales only a couple of hours ago, and he needs to be able to make it to the race later that night. Poe leans back against the seat and rests his eyes for a moment.

-

When Poe wakes up it’s already dark. He runs a hand over his face, trying to scrub away the sleepiness that clings to him like smog. In doing so, the blanket that had been carefully wrapped around his shoulders falls to his lap, and he shivers. Poe looks around him, trying to orient himself before the beeping sound catches up to him, and his eyes snap to the monitor in the corner of the room.

The lines rise and fall steadily, a constant rhythm of beeps accompanying it. Poe releases a breath, the panic that had clutched his heart disappearing. He glances at the bed and sees that Finn is sleeping, breaths soft and slow. Poe smiles and leans back in his chair. The clock in the corner says that it’s just a couple minutes past 11:00 PM. Poe still needs to get to the race. They had to push it off until midnight because of the sun going down so late. He stretches, wincing at the cracks from his shoulders and back.

Poe leans forward, resting his hands on his thighs, and he looks at Finn. Finn’s face is slack with sleep. To anyone who doesn’t know him, he looks fine. But Poe can see the paleness on his face, the hollowness that has already begun to settle in. He knows that Finn is having trouble keeping food down, that the only things that are really sustaining him are pudding cups and the IV attached to his arm. He knows that Finn still smiles and laughs and jokes with him and Poe pretends. He pretends that everything’s fine, follows Finn’s lead. Would follow Finn over a cliff, if asked.

Tears slide down his cheeks, hot and silent. Poe clutches the blanket in a white-knuckled grip, and in the silence of the summer night, he breaks down. Grief claws at him from the inside out and fear holds his throat in her cold grip. Poe looks away and he grieves for the man in front of him. He grieves for the man he loves. 

When Poe looks back up, the clock reads 11:34. He has to go.

Poe swipes the tears away from his face and he stands, carefully folding the blanket and putting it in his chair. Then he walks over to Finn, and he presses a soft kiss against his cheek.

Poe leaves.

Finn opens his eyes. He swallows past the lump in his throat and he struggles not to cry.

-

The crowd is thick, and Poe only just manages to squeeze by most of them. Normally, he’d join in on some conversation with the people who greet him, but right now he can’t do much more than nod and offer a quick smile. Karé and Zoe are waiting for him, twin frowns on their faces. “You look terrible,” Karé says bluntly as he approaches.

“You sure know how to make a guy feel special,” Poe replies, monotone.

“How’s Finn doing?” Zoe asks, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “I know we visited him a couple days ago, but-”

Poe swallows. “He’s - doing okay,” he says at last. “The treatments aren’t working all that well, but - but they’ll figure something out soon. He says he misses everyone.”

“We should visit him again soon, it can’t be all that fun being in the hospital all day,” Zoe muses. 

“And you? Have you been sleeping?” Karé asks, reaching for his face.

Poe avoids her touch, waving the issue away. “I’m fine. Where’s Snap?”

“Over by the betting pool - Poe, you can’t race if you haven’t slept, you know how dangerous that is.” Karé presses. Poe can’t meet her eyes, can’t meet the concern there.

“I need to be in the race tonight. You guys said the pool’s $6,000 this time right?”

“Make that $7,000,” Snap says, putting away the notebook that keeps track of the bets for the night as he approaches them. “But Poe, nobody thought you’d be serious about a five person race. That’s insane.”

“Karé was in a four person race just a couple of months ago,” Poe retorts.

“Yeah, but even you said that was crazy. And it wasn’t on this track, and I had an actual good night’s sleep beforehand,” Karé quickly adds. “Poe, this is too dangerous.”

“It’s stupid,” Snap says. “Do you know what the main bet is tonight? These vultures are betting which racer gets the biggest injury. You can’t race, Poe, you’re going to kill yourself.”

The announcer’s voice cuts their conversation short, and Poe takes the opportunity to back away from them. “Sorry, I gotta go. I’ll see you after.”

Poe puts their concerned faces aside for the moment as he heads over to his car and he gets behind the wheel. The race happens in a blur. Black One lurches forward, the engine with the extra speed boost he adjusted a couple of days ago in preparation for the race. He lurches dangerously on more than one occasion, and for a moment he thinks he’s going to be run off the track. Adrenaline pumps through his veins and he grips the steering wheel more tightly, and he swerves just fast enough to avoid collision. Black One scrapes against another car, causing a huge dent on the side and sending sparks flaring up and he doesn’t care, he can’t care, he can only rush forward.

His victory, when he crosses the finish line, is hollow.

-

Poe stares vacantly at the vending machine in front of him, not really seeing so much as catching a breath. His body aches from work and his eyes are heavy with exhaustion, from the lack of sleep, but he’s here, and he isn’t going anywhere. Poe looks down the hall at Finn’s room, catching only a glimpse of Mary’s back as she and Luke sit by Finn’s side. He looks away again, having left the room to give them some privacy.

Poe sighs and stares back at the vending machine. It’s been three weeks since Finn was admitted, when they started trying to give him more treatments. Different treatments. Expensive treatments. There’s only so much that the Skywalkers can raise on their own. Poe takes a breath.

He isn’t sure how long he’s stood there when he feels a tap on his shoulder, breaking him from his stupor. Mary stands there, and her face is tired, worn. She smiles kindly at him.

“How’s he doing?” Poe asks.

“Better than this morning,” Mary says after a moment. They stare at the vending machine together, not seeing anything. Mary clears her throat. “Thank you,” she says quietly. “For taking care of my boy,” her voice breaks.

Poe wraps his arm around her. She’s so much smaller than he thought, shorter than her son by a handful of inches. He doesn’t know how to respond to her. So he doesn’t. Mary sniffles, but she presses on past her tears. “You know we couldn’t tell you,” Mary whispers, just low enough for Poe to hear. “About Finn. He made us promise not to tell anyone. He didn’t want you to worry.”

Poe swallows around the lump in his throat. “I know.” is all he says. “I know.” They stand there until Luke comes out, and the three of them stand in front of the machine until exhaustion pulls them apart.

-

It’s late when Poe gets home. The sky hovers over them like spilled ink, and not even the stars are bright enough to penetrate the darkness. Kes is in the living room when Poe gets home, clad in his sleep clothes. Poe isn’t even surprised to see him anymore.

“This is becoming a habit,” Kes says flatly.

“Yeah.”

Kes releases a breath and scrubs a hand over his face, over his beard. “Come here,” he says, patting the spot next to him on the couch. Poe feels like he’d love nothing more than to never sit in another chair again, but he does what his dad says. The cushion sinks softly beneath him, worn through all the years. Kes looks at him, and he blows a breath. “Mijo,” he begins softly. “I know what you’re going through. I went through the same thing with your mom.” Poe swallows and he blinks away the image that had just appeared in front of him, nothing more than a faded memory of a kind smile and a warm embrace. “And I know this is going to kill you if you keep up at this pace.”

Poe looks at his father then. Kes’ face is exhausted, and his eyes are hollow with the memory of his wife. It’s the first time they’ve talked about Shara Bey since the day she left them eight years ago, the memories too fresh and too painful for either of them to linger on for too long. And Poe realizes with a hollow feeling that yes, his father knows _exactly_ what he’s going through. Poe swallows. “Then you also know why I have to do this,” he says at last, voice raspy with unshed tears. “I was too little to do anything for Mom, but I’m going to do whatever I can for him, Dad.”

A pause stretches between them. Kes looks at his son, and he sees his own face staring back at him. “You really love him, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Poe’s voice is quiet. “I really do.” It’s such a large thing, to love someone. But he says it as naturally as if he were saying the sky is blue, or that the sun is warm. And Poe isn’t sure when that happened, but as he thinks of Finn’s laugh, his smile, the way Finn makes him happy, he knows it’s true.

Kes’ brows furrow, but his voice is kind. “Have you told him?”

A lump forms in Poe’s throat. He shakes his head. “If I tell him, then-” his voice breaks, and tears prick at his eyes. “Then-” he can’t continue. _Then it’ll be like saying goodbye._

“I know,” Kes says, bringing his son into a hug. “Oh I know,” he breathes. And Poe presses his face against his dad’s shoulder, and he shakes. Kes grips him through it all. “Tell him whenever you’re ready,” Kes says, voice thick with unshed tears.

Poe’s voice is broken, nothing more than a whisper. “I don’t want to lose him, Dad.”

“I know.” Kes says, holding him closer. “I know.”

-

Poe brings playing cards the next time he visits Finn. There’s not much else to do in the hospital, but Poe tries all the same. He offers up bad puns when he can, knows that they’re terrible but loving the way Finn’s nose scrunches up and he smiles despite himself. It’s quiet, and Poe peers curiously over his own cards. He’s only beaten Finn once so far, and he’s determined to at least put up a little bit of a fight this round.

Finn sighs and he sets his cards down, face-up. Poe’s eyes snap up to his face, looking for distress. He glances over to the monitor, and panic starts to grip him, though he can’t seem to see anything wrong. “Hey, are you okay love?” he asks, setting his own cards down and scooting closer to Finn. “Do you need anything? Should I call a nurse?” he stands to do exactly that when Finn raises a hand, stopping him in his tracks.

“Don’t,” Finn says, his brows pinched. “Don’t do that.”

Poe sits back down, though he’s still worried. “What’s wrong?”

Finn laughs, but it’s all wrong, all air and no substance. “This,” Finn says, waving at the space around them. He turns his eyes to Poe, catches his gaze. He’s more tired than Poe has ever seen him. “It hurts to see you like this, Poe.”

Poe’s brows knit in confusion. “Oh, uh - should I go change? I mean I thought I got the smell of oil out of my hair but if it’s too strong then I can-”

“No,” Finn smiles, and the panic that gripped Poe’s heart loosens its grip. “I mean,” Finn says, grabbing hold of his hand. “Like this. Sitting here, exhausted after work and staying up late to go racing. You shouldn’t be chained to this hospital.”

Poe grips Finn’s hand tighter in his own. “Hey,” he says, softly. “Don’t you worry about that. I want to be here.”

Finn swallows, and his eyes search Poe’s face. “Poe,” he whispers, voice quiet. “You look at that monitor more often than you look at my face.” Poe feels his breath catch in his throat. He doesn’t know how to answer that. Can’t answer that. Finn’s gaze is unwavering. “I hear you, sometimes,” he continues softly. “Talking to the nurses about those ‘anonymous’ payments.” Poe looks down at the hospital sheets and closes his eyes, shame flooding over him. Finn squeezes his hand, and Poe slowly raises his head. “I also hear you at night, when you think I’m sleeping. You’re not that quiet when you cry.”

Poe feels like he’s been kicked in the stomach, the air completely knocked out of him. He didn’t know that Finn had caught him. Finn smiles at him, his eyes glistening with tears. “I need you to promise me something,” he says.

Poe swallows past the lump in his throat, and he blinks past the tears in his eyes. He nods. 

Finn takes a breath. “I need you to promise me that you’ll be okay, after I-”

“-Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Poe interrupts. Air returns to his lungs, and his throat burns. “Don’t you dare say that, Finn,” he says, gripping at Finn’s hand like a lifeline. He looks at Finn’s eyes, sees the sadness there, the exhaustion. And he swallows. “I love you,” he whispers. “I love you so much.”

A thousand emotions flit by Finn’s face, and his eyes light up. “You what?”

“I love you,” Poe repeats, pressing a kiss to Finn’s hand. The words hang heavy between them.

Finn smiles, and the heavens open up. “I love you, too,” he says.

And Poe laughs in disbelief, his chest light, and he wants to shout it from the mountaintops. Then Finn straightens in his hospital bed, and Poe closes the distance to kiss the smile on Finn’s lips. He pulls away first despite the lips that trail after him, despite the look on Finn’s face. “Don’t give up, then,” Poe says, eyes tracing over Finn’s face, over his brows, his cheeks, his nose, his lips, committing his face to memory. “Please don’t.”

Finn closes his eyes, and tears slide down his cheeks as he takes a shuddering breath. He hasn’t sobbed since the day he told Poe that he has leukemia. Hasn’t let it all sink in, hasn’t let himself think about it because it hurts so much. “I’m scared, Poe,” he says, voice broken. 

“Yeah.” Poe swallows, and he presses another kiss to Finn’s hand, unable to think of anything else to say. What can he possibly say. “Yeah.”

“You know,” Finn begins, opening his eyes and staring up at the ceiling. “When I first got the diagnosis when I was sixteen,” he says, his eyes red-rimmed with tears and old memories. “I didn’t think I was going to graduate high school, or ever have my first boyfriend, or go to prom or think about college, or-” he draws a breath. “And now - now I’m scared of losing everyone. Of losing you, and being alone”

Poe pulls on Finn’s hand, drawing his gaze back. “I promise you,” he vows, “No matter what happens, we’ll make it through this together. You won’t ever be alone.”

Finn smiles at him, and the tears fall slowly from his eyes. “Will you hold me?”

The hospital bed is too small for them, but they make it work, and they sleep that night in each other’s arms. 

-

Another week passes, and Finn gets assigned to a wheelchair. The flowers look lovely this time of year. 

-

“I don’t want to die,” Finn whispers one night. His voice is soft, reserved. Poe wraps him tighter in his arms. The bed fits them better now, Finn’s frame growing smaller after his lack of appetite. It’s only through some begging and insistence that he eats anything, and even then it’s a struggle to keep it all down. The IV fluids can only do so much.

Poe’s heart breaks. He doesn’t know how to answer him. “There’s still a couple of things I wanna add to my bucket list,” Finn adds quietly. “I still have to swim with the dolphins. And learn how to play the guitar. And live in New York.”

Poe swallows. “Why New York?”

“I visited there once, when Slip and I were freshmen,” Finn says, reminiscing. “We got to see some museums over in Chelsea, and visit Central Park, and climb to the top of our building to look at the lights.”

“Is this your way of saying I need to chase away some suitors?” Poe jokes lightly.

Finn laughs, shaking slightly against Poe’s chest. “And what if you do?” he teases.

“Well,” Poe says, pressing a kiss to Finn’s shoulder. “That just means I’ll have to love you just that much more.”

He can hear the smile on Finn’s lips. “I’m okay with that.”

Poe presses a kiss on Finn’s throat. “How about we go to New York sometime?” he suggests. “You know, just the two of us?”

Finn turns to him, runs a finger over Poe’s jaw. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Poe presses a quick peck to Finn’s lips. “We can skip all of the tourist stuff, find out what the locals do. And we can be together without school, or our parents, or the nurses getting in the way,” Poe murmurs.

Finn smiles at him. “I’d like that.”

“Then it’s a promise,” Poe says. “After you get better, we’re gonna go to New York, and everything’s gonna be okay. Okay?”

Finn nods. “Okay.”

They seal the deal with a soft kiss. 

-

The hospital’s chapel is small by design. The room is tucked away in the corner of the hospital, away from the noise of nurses and monitors. There are only a handful of benches on either side of the main corridor, facing forward to the arched window across the room. Street light filters through the stained glass, illuminating the room with cool purples and blues mingling with warm reds and yellows.

Poe approaches one of the benches and sits down, letting the colors dance over his hands and shoulders. The chapel is empty at this hour, most of the patients tucked away to bed. Poe takes in a breath and looks at the front.

The room bleeds away, and his memories take hold, cast him adrift in their gentle waters. His mind swirls with it all, with his love, his grief, the feel of Finn’s soft skin beneath his hands, Finn’s voice in his ear, Finn’s lips on his. Calmness settles over him, wrapping him in her cool embrace.

Poe isn’t a religious man. His father turned away from God the day his mother died, no matter his abuela’s insistence. And he - well, he never really thought much about a higher power. But now, as he thinks of Finn and of everything that’s happened over the past year, he wonders if perhaps there is such a thing as fate. 

Poe takes a breath, bows his head, and prays.

-

Summer is more than two thirds of the way over, and the days are becoming shorter. 

A warm breeze flutters through the hospital, and Finn and Poe go for a walk on the hospital grounds. Poe pushes the back of the wheelchair when Finn’s arms get tired, and they settle themselves on a bench overlooking the flowers.

Poe’s laughs at something Finn says, presses a kiss to Finn’s knuckles. A long pause stretches between them, familiar and comfortable. Finn sighs and he leans his head back to look at the sky, a soft smile on his face. Poe glances at him, unable to look away. His heart thunders in his chest, and he pats his pocket for the millionth time that day, running over the words he’s been practicing.

“I can hear your brain working,” Finn says. He opens his eyes and turns his head to look at Poe. Poe’s face grows warm at having been caught and Finn laughs at him. “What’s going on, babe?”

Poe clears his throat. “I uh - I’ve been wanting to ask you something.”

Finn smiles amusedly. “Okay?” he says, extending the word.

He shifts on the bench, turning until he’s sitting on the edge and completely facing Finn. “Do you love me?”

Finn blows a breath in kind exasperation. “Yes. Poe, why are you acting so weird?”

“Just.” Poe takes a breath, catching Finn’s gaze. “Will you do something for me, please?” 

Their eyes meet. And Finn sobers, noting the seriousness in Poe’s gaze. He replies honestly. “Anything.”

A breath. “Marry me.”

Disbelief dances across Finn’s face, twirls with the delicate parting of his lips and the flicker of his eyes. A million things flutter beyond that brilliant gaze of his, from disbelief to joy to hesitation. “Poe,” he breathes, “I - I don’t want to you to marry me because you think I’m going to die.”

Poe quickly shakes his head, taking Finn’s hands in his own. “That’s not why,” he says honestly. Poe slides off the bench and gets down on one knee. “You are the kindest, funniest, most brilliant man I know. I want to marry you because I know you are the love of my life, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” As he pulls out the box from his jacket pocket he realizes he’s never been more sure of anything in his life. “Finn Owen Skywalker,” Poe says, opening the box to reveal a gold wedding band, “Will you marry me?”

Finn’s face blooms into a blinding smile. “Yes.”

-

Their wedding is at the end of summer.

The church is overflowing with sunflowers and sunlight, packed to the brim with their friends and family. Poe’s father and abuela are in the front row, followed by his friends and almost all of his extended family. How they all managed to come on such short notice is a mystery Poe will never know, though he suspects a chancla was involved at some point. Mary is chatting with some of the people around her, soft and warm and managing to soften even the most stubborn of Poe’s uncles. She doesn’t stray too far from the piano - an antique grand piano that she taught Finn in when he was younger.

Karé leans in close to Poe’s side, a soft smile on her face. “Nervous?” she asks.

“A little.” Poe admits. He turns towards her, gesturing towards himself. “How do I look?”

“Perfect - just like the last five times you asked me,” Karé says amusedly.

Poe glances back at the scene and he fiddles with his handcuff again to stop himself from running his fingers through his hair. Karé places a comforting hand on his shoulder. Their eyes meet, and she offers him a quick smile. Poe takes a breath. “I’m ready.”

Karé squeezes his shoulder. “Good.” Soft piano music plays, signaling the ceremony is about to begin. Poe’s heart lurches in his chest. “It’s time,” Karé whispers. Poe nods.

They step out from behind the altar, and the chatter falls silent, all eyes turning to them. Poe turns towards the front as per tradition, Karé settling in beside him. Their suits are similar enough to be identical, only Karé choosing to wear hers with the top two buttons undone for the heat. Poe’s heart pounds in his chest as the music continues, and then shifts into the bridal march. He turns, and is followed by the rest of the church shifting in their seats to look at the doors that had opened.

Finn appears, his face a literal beacon of light as the sun flutters past the glass windows and settles on him like a soft kiss. Luke is behind him, pushing the back of his wheelchair. Their gazes meet, deep brown like a summer wood, and Poe feels himself fall in love all over again. Then Finn places a hand on his father’s, and they stop. Poe’s brows furrow in confusion, concern flitting across his mind. The guests murmur amongst themselves, wondering what’s wrong.

Finn places both hands on his arm rests, and slowly, he stands. Poe’s lips part in shock. Luke appears by his son’s side, the music begins anew, and Finn walks, slowly but surely, down the aisle. The rest of the world falls away, and it’s just them, and Finn is walking, and that’s all that matters.

Finn’s knees buckle at the last step, the strain of walking on his weakened body taking its toll. Poe steps forward, offering a hand, but Finn straightens, determination in his gaze. He takes the last step by himself, standing my Poe’s side. There’s sweat on his brow and Poe can read the exhaustion in his limbs, but the look on his face could light up the heavens. Poe takes his hand, squeezing it, and they turn towards the priest.

Someone brings Finn’s wheelchair soon after, and they do the rest of the ceremony seated. But it doesn’t matter, because as Poe looks at Finn, he sees the will of a man who said he was going to walk down the aisle, and he did. He sees the love of his life. And as they exchange rings, and the priest says his words, Poe knows that he will remember this moment forever. Tears sting his eyes draws Finn into a kiss, wrapping him in his arms.

-

The summer ends far too soon. The sunflowers turn away. All lies still. 

-

The drive is a familiar one, nostalgic after all of these years. Poe looks out at the fall trees, green falling away to red and orange and brown. He stops in front of the familiar house a soft smile breaking out on his face at all the memories there. With a sigh, he steps out into the cold. 

Mary opens the door as soon as he approaches, enveloping him in her arms. “Come in, come in!” she says, “It’s been so long since we last saw you!”

Luke appears from the kitchen and embraces Poe in a strong hug. “Oh, my boy,” Luke says, patting him firmly on the back. “You’ve been holding out on visiting us,” he says, raising his brows pointedly. 

“The last time we saw you was at your graduation, right?” Mary says from the kitchen. She walks out a moment later, mugs carefully balanced in one hand and coffee in the other. Poe quickly steps forward to help her with the mugs as they settle around the living room table. She thanks him. “New York was lovely - we should go visit again sometime,” she says as she sits, glancing pointedly at her husband. Luke nods, though Poe knows the man well enough to know that he hates large crowds and would only go for his wife. Poe thanks Mary as she pours coffee into his mug.

“I know it’s been a while,” Poe says apologetically, “I had to settle a couple of things over there before moving back. I only just flew in this morning.”

“That soon?” Luke muses, stirring sugar into his coffee. “Have you found a place to stay yet?”

Poe nods. “Just the next town over.”

“It’s been almost five years,” Mary muses, settling back into the cushions. “Are you gonna miss the city?”

“Not really. Leaving for New York was part of a fresh start,” he says after a moment. Memories of friends and endless goodbyes flit past his brain, quickly followed by cool nights in his car and sunflowers turning towards the sky. He smiles softly. “Honestly, it’s good to be home.”

Mary smiles at him. “It’s great to have you home.”

They settle around the sofa, talking amongst themselves. Apparently there was a slight scandal with the choir in Luke’s congregation, something to do with his brother in law moving into town with his best friend in tow. Poe laughs at the story, settling comfortably into the cushions as they talk well into the afternoon. “Look at me, prattling so much in my old age,” Luke says self-deprecatingly. “Have you had a chance to visit Kes yet?”

The coffee has long since gone cold, but Poe takes a sip anyways, not wanting to be rude. “Not yet,” he says, clearing his throat. “There’s uh - just one more place I wanna visit first.”

-

The cemetery is quiet. Sunlight flutters over the fallen leaves, settling carefully on the headstones. Poe walks down the path to the far end of the cemetery, and he swallows. He hasn’t visited the cemetery in years, but the path is one he could never forget. The headstone is just under a large oak tree, a bed of bright yellow and red leaves settled on the ground beneath it. 

Poe places the bouquet of flowers on the base of the headstone, running his fingers over the cool surface. A breeze picks up, ruffling the leaves above him. He draws his coat tighter around him, and then after a moment he sits in front of the stone. A sigh escapes him, fatigue overcoming him. 

He pulls out a letter from his coat pocket and unfolds it. The paper is worn and wrinkled from the amount of times he’s held it over the last couple of months, unsure of whether to bring it with him. His gaze runs over the words he’s now memorized by heart:

_Congratulations! You have been accepted into the Stanford University School of Medicine!_

Poe raises his head again, and tears sting his eyes. “Hey,” he says to the stone. “I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to visit as much but. . .” his voice trails off. Tears threaten to spill down his cheek, and he swallows. He starts anew. “I got accepted into med school. They uh - they’ve got a great cancer institute. One of the best in the country,” he babbles. Then he swallows past the lump rapidly forming in his throat. “I’d like to think that you were there with me, pushing me to do better like you used to.” His face is wet as the tears fall, and he’s unable to control them. Poe’s voice buckles and breaks into a whisper. “I wish I could’ve done more for you.” The stone doesn’t answer him.

Someone approaches the headstone and stops just behind Poe, warm and solid. The leaves crunch beneath his weight as he sits next to Poe on the ground. Poe looks over and links their fingers together. The man reaches over and wipes the tears away from Poe’s face. “I thought I might find you here,” he murmurs. Their eyes meet, and Poe draws a breath.

Poe turns back to the headstone. “I want you to meet someone,” he says, voice stronger now. “He makes me happy, and I love him. I think you’d like him.”

The man clears his throat and shifts in his seat. Their wedding bands glint in the sunlight. “Hello, Mrs. Dameron,” the man says softly. “My name’s Finn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all, it’s been a minute since I last wrote huh? Some life stuff happened but I’m back and I have a couple of smaller fics in store! Some are definitely continuing from a couple of the other AUs I have done (y’all can guess which ones) and there’s at least one new AU, but it’ll all come out in due time.
> 
> For those of y’all who stuck through this whole mess of a fic thank y’all so much!! Please tell me your thoughts via kudos, comments, and criticism below! Love y’all!


End file.
